These are all I can give you to represent how I feel!! I'm inspired, motivated and determined and I was one of the organizers! I hope the kids took away even more.
iStandAbove!!!

Some looks, lotsa hugs and a kiss.

DAMN!! So boxing day, Dec 26 2009, this aimless girl who would much rather lie in bed eating kitkat and chatting her life away, promised a bestie 8 months ago to go out that night. Here I am, flowy white dress, black heels, black bag whose most important component was hand sanitizer, girl by my side, man in bed (mtchew). We go!

First stop: Citizen Kofi.
Lord have mercy. The place was ok (…it was wack but chale…) so here I am sitting outside looking “gorgeous” and watching ppl. You can’t laugh. If the party disappointed the fashion show didn’t. Three piece metallic silver and red suits (imagining the sweat, I’d HATE to be that suit or the girl he puts him arm around forcing her into that armpit space), painted on trousers, lace tops with bras/no bras, shades at night (…no comment), neon green sneakers that went with nothing, and even a bandaged foot (and nothing else he was wearing was white so yes hello very obvious foot!). There was this gorgeous purple shirt some man was wearing… but that’s all that looked good. No offense.
It was fun seeing the different gaits employed in order to keep the already really high hemlines down barely over bottoms. And the accents…the accents…oooohhhh the accents. I’m pretty sure I split my sides a couple times.
Just imagine the highs and lows of this person's speech with some British and Ghanaian accents. Try hard: "So I was walking past this girl yeah and she was behaving like …something.”
*Wiping laughter tears away*
Second stop: Epo!
Ok that s*** was just weird and awkward. I’ve been stared at before but chale! Lost my hunger and left. MTCHEW! …of course the hunger came back later but what can man do? Ah well… bright side bright side… oh I got a free spring roll. And apparently my friend and I qualify for models of the universe. (Is that actually a show/pageant?)
Third Stop: Twist
LOVELY! Peoples peoples! People I hadn’t seen in years! Catching up, sharing woeful heat stories, playful accusations of who was more brown. Needless to say there were a LOT of hugs and smiles and whatnots. I didn’t get beyond the car park before we left again. Lol. Oh and schmoozing is nice! ;)
Fourth Stop: Tantra.
HAHA! Didn’t go beyond the gate. But again peoples peoples. …Heh I’m a flirt oo… damn. Hmmm. But those …Lebanese? Eritrean? Children too!!? You would think I had birthed them and then threw them on the street ah ah. “Maa oh maa” and when it wasn’t working they’d call a brother then a sister then finally sent their mother. GRACIOUS!! Then I found my brother. LOL He didn’t even bother getting to the gate. He had his girl and he was jus A-Okay. Hahahaha.
Chale I’m not doing the night justice smh.
Fifth intended stop: The Office.
But people where broke and didn’t want to face the crowd or pay the 20GHC, why I don’t know. Which after going to Cinderella’s I’m sure they would had done gladly.
Fifth actual stop: Cinderella.
…Dingy. Weird. And the DJ would not stop foreskinning Asamoah Gyan. Oh!!! Leave the man alone! Better still leave the music playing so we can pretend to dance! Aaah!! Then there was this person who would not stop staring at me. He only had the courtesy to blink when I looked at him. Short of that he may have been saying “Shawdy what now? Leave me to stare lah! I don’t care that you are giving me looks.” My friend and her boy are lovingly working through they little spat. Hehe.
And finally we decide we should go sit in the car and have a chat, better than the club. But before we could do that MORE DRAMA!!!! Aaahhhh!!! And I was the lookout. Haha in my dress and heels. At least I apparently made a good-looking lookout. Compliments are nice oo. =D
Sixth Stop: Epo.
YES!! WE CAME BACK! Less ppl. Less food. Grr, again no food. But that’s ok, we were simply switching cars and heading home. This is 5:38 am.
But in our search for the right car, I meet this guy who asked my name and I was cool talking because I thought my friend knew him but I failed to remember she’s friendly like that. He complimented me (=D) introduced himself as Trey, kissed my hand, said we’d meet again and left. Men, please take a lesson!
Almost home and mum sleepily calls, “Its 6 in the morning!”

Aahhhhh my darhling bed. I have missed thee.

What a night!

My revolution is mine.

Your revolution will not blind these dark brown eyes

Your revolution will not contribute to my demise

Your revolution will not happen between these thighs

Because my revolution will not believe your lies!

Magnanimous Warrior! (Warning: Graphic, even more so in interpretation)

Magnanimous Warrior! She in whom the spirits come quick and hard. Hunting mother. She who forages. Who knows the ground. Where the hills of fufu are concealed. Mother who brews the most beautiful tea from the ugliest bush. Warrior who sheds her skin like a snake and travels into the darkness a fireball. Mother who catches the eidon and sees them to their rest. Warrior who labors in the spirit. She who plants gunga on the graves of the restless. Mother who carves the power-stone, center of the world. Warrior who places the blood-cloth on the back of the whipped slave. She who turns her attention to the evildoer. Mother who binds the female drumhead with parchment from a goat. Warrior who gathers grave-dirt in her pocket. Pieces of chalk. Packs of cards. Bits of looking-glass. Beaks. Feet. Bones of patoo. Teeth of dogs and alligators. Glass eyes. Sulfur. Camphor. Myrrh. Asafoetida. Frankincense. Curious shells. China dolls. Wooden images. She writes in her own blood across the drumhead. Obeah-woman. Myal-woman. She can cure. She can kill. She can give jobs. She is foy-eyed. The bearer of second sight. Mother who goes forth emitting flames from her eyes. Nose. Mouth. Ears. Vulva. Anus. She bites the evildoers that they become full of sores. She treats cholera with bitterbush. She burns the canefields. She is River Mother. Sky Mother. Old Hige. The Moon. Old Suck.
Rambling mother. Mother who trumps and wheels counterclockwise around the power-stone, the center of the world. Into whose cauldron the Red Coats vanished.
What has become of this warrior? Now that we need her more than ever. She has been burned up in an alms-house fire in Kingston. She has starved to death. She wanders the roads of the country with swollen feet. She has cancer. Her children have left her. Her powers are known no longer. They are called by other names. She is not respected. She lies on an iron bedstead in a shack in Trench Town. She begs outside a rumshop in Spanish Town. She cleans the yard of a woman younger than she. She lies in a bed in a public hospital with sores across her buttocks. No one swabs her wounds. Flies gather. No one turns her in the bed. The pain makes her light-headed. They tell her she is senile. They have taken away her bag of magic. Her teeth. Her goat's horn. We have forgotten her. Now that we need her more than ever. The nurses ignore her. The doctors make game of her. The priest tries to take her soul.

Can you remember how to love her?

- Michelle Cliff, No Telephone to Heaven

This struck me and stayed with me as I read the book for class this morning. Some of these things I simply cannot identify with, but it forced me to think of my motherland, my continent and what it has suffered and continues to suffer but still forcefully tries to pull through despite everything, despite mother children leaving hardly ever to a better fate in this concrete jungle. Its harsh language, harsh enough to make you remember…

Awww!! :D

So its a typical aimless school night and I'm avoiding work by reading the "My Life is Average" posts. If these are not the cutest things I have read in a while I really do not know what is:

Today, I attended a co-worker's wedding. A little boy who looked about 6 was coming down the aisle and he took two steps, stopped, and turned to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side), put his hands up like claws, and roared. Step, step, ROAR, step step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. The crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing and was almost crying. When asked what he was doing, he sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear." MLIA

Last year, I gave my boyfriend a home-made voucher-book for his birthday with things like "Good for one kiss" and "Good for one back rub", but I left the three last pages blank so he could fill them in himself. Today, he turned in the last voucher with the words "Good for one accepted proposal" on it. Nick, I love you. MLIA.

:D

Love Quotables - From the Fly Guy.

Scenario: Me, 8:30pm, random school night, tired of reading Coetzee's Foe and not really wanting to commit to a House episode because I want to get back to reading soon (though this "short" break takes up just as much time). I surf over to read what The Fly Guy's been thinking and I came across his Love Quotables… and I thought I'd share the ones that I liked.

People love others not for who they are, but for how they make them feel.
~ Irwin Federman ~

“When you are in love, you can’t fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams.”
~ Dr Seuss ~

“To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart,
And to sing it to them when they have forgotten.”
~ Anonymous ~

No man is truly married
until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
~ Anonymous ~

True love cannot be found where it truly does not exist,
Nor can it be hidden where it truly does.
~ Anonymous ~

I sought for Love
But Love ran away from me.
I sought my Soul
But my Soul I couldn’t see.
Then I sought You,
And I found all three.
~ Unknown Author ~

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
While loving someone deeply gives you courage.
~ La0 Tzu ~

Love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image… otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.
~ Anonymous ~

The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I’d hoped to give you forever.”
~ Noah to Allie (The Notebook) ~

“I wish I could be your teardrops. What more could anyone ask for than to be conceived in your heart, born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.”
~ Anonymous ~

Immature love says, “I love you because I need you.” Mature love says, “I need you because I love you.”
~ Erich Fromm ~

“The more I get to know you, the more my heart aches to find new ways to express its devotion to you”
~ Unknown Author~

Update: (This is from a bookmark I have.)

"Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What You are in love with, what seizes you imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your hearts, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, Stay in love, And it will decide…Everything."
~ Pedro Arrupe, SJ ~

Underneath these Clothes…

Naked I stood in the shower last night. With my eyes closed and my forehead on my arm against the wall, I stood, naked in the shower. Baring my all, tired of hiding beneath these clothing of lies and deceit. Tired of carrying the weight of these clothes on my shoulders and having them clinging to my skin and not letting me go. I try to take off these lies but they keep getting caught at my ankles, at my neck, around my wrists REFUSING TO LET ME GO!!

Leave me alone.

Naked I stood in the shower as I centered the high-pressured stream of water on the top my head trying, hoping, longing for the battle of thoughts of excuses of lies and of shame will be washed out or at least made clean. I asked for my forgiveness to come in the form of that stream of water I let bang on my head and run through my hair and on my skin. Slowly I turned up the heat. If I cannot washed these lies out I will BLOODY BOIL THEM OUT!!!!

Leave me alone.

Naked I stood in the shower, letting the stream of water carry the tears that streamed from my eyes to run over my heart

Forgive me.

Naked I stood in the shower. Never so hard has shampoo been kneaded into my scalp as I am trying to get the lies cleaned from the inside out. Never so hard, intentionally, has my skin been scraped as though trying to scoop out the disgusting deceit from my pores and flick the excuses from underneath my fingernails.

I finally turned off the shower and the water drip drip dripped from my hair, off my breasts and my fingertips, down my thighs and into the drain. I see it all wash away.

…But then after I'm dry again simply to remain in society's favour I open those drawers and put on those clothes once more to cover up my now clean nakedness.

Maybe I just need to throw those clothes in the shower too.

Please, forgive me…

Mmmmm…

Over and over again I find myself listening to this.
Her emotion bleeds into her words, and these words wrap themselves around you so tightly that they seep slowly into the crevices of your mind and immediately you KNOW whose lips you want to be giving that longing sideways stare… ;) Enjoy

I Want to Kiss You



I want to kiss you. Shadow you jaw like against touch. Touch you scent of musk, Saltwater and sea foam clean. Want to kiss you near God. Amongst strangers, I dare either to stop me. Keep me. Want to kiss you bitter. Tired of Waiting, wondering. Want to kiss you empty. Steady as forever. Small as favour. Maybe kiss your curve where shoulder meets neck or silk of throat. Perhaps rough of chin, inside elbows, wrists, then rest, smooth of chest. Back, hip to hip. Dip of belly. Want to hold you, entwined like vows. Palm against palm. Fingers laced and waiting. I want to kiss you unbroken, before too many hearts snap like dried and dead things. This longing, like fire, like hunger, like nothing before or since. Just one small solitary kiss. No questions. No worries. No words. Just a kiss. Quiet. Quick. Subtle. Silent. It'll probably speak volumes.

- Bassey Ikpi.

Slacker

Yet again it is one of those days when you randomly look about on the internet for interesting things to do and read about and you come across these people who are doing things with their lives and you may be a junior in college with a great financial aid package and so many blessings but still feel like you are a "do-nothing slacker"!!!!!

Gracious and all these people, doings things and getting ahead are ALWAYS, younger than you.
And you look around and ask, what kkrraaaaaaa am I doing with my life??

Oh my psych prof actually used "WTF" in explaining something in class. Haha. Must be another of those things about growing up, the professors know and have come to terms with you've been there and said that.

Ironic how I feel as though my college houses some of the most IMMATURE people ever. Argh. And I thought this was a thing of high school and I was moving forward. Boy was I WRONG!!!
Sigh.
Ah well.

FALL BREAK!!! …finally.

Wedded Bliss

So this all started about a year ago…
I was at work joyfully being aimless (yes, my boss knows, hehe) when this woman (…hmmm another point. ok maybe more than a year ago) comes up to me and says she would need to have her username changed because she had gotten married over the summer. And considering her request that meant she was at most a college senior.
I FREAKED OUT! (Well after I had directed her to the appropriate personnel of course)

It had not occurred to me till right then and there that I was growing up…fast.
I remember the days when whenever I heard that someone was getting married it was one of my parents' friends or some older person. But now, it was the people around me, people my age who were getting married.
And suddenly everyone was getting married, it was as though my eyes-are-closed-to-all-things-marriage-related bubble burst. People my age who I knew directly or through others were making that life long commitment to be with someone the rest of their lives.
THAT'S A HUGE-NORMOUS COMMITMENT.
My roommates can attest to the shock I was in for the following week.

And from that point I started noticing all sorts of other things. My to-do lists did not only include deadlines for getting various class projects done but also:
going to the supermarket to get things I needed,
making sure that my bank account would allow me to get those things,
would I have time to make something to eat and still get these things done,
being roped into various projects that are totally nonacademic,
paying big bills every month
GARGANTUAN RESPONSIBILITIES
and the list goes on.

And there were other more interesting things like tall glasses of hot chocolates that I noticed and had always and will always notice but… it hit just how much I noticed them and how I was not alone in noticing and going mmmmm with eyes closed and big smiles. (Lardy, that night was a shocker. lol) and how this place that I am in has a big lack of them. grr.

But anyways, when did this all happen???
Where did the times I was content with a book and cuddling Benjie in bed go?
Where did the times when I did not worry about bills and when I was getting paid go?
Where did the times when 24 hrs in the day was MORE than enough go to class, eat, sleep, get homework done and still have time over to be aimless and bug my mother (who was 6 feet and not 6092 miles away) go?

ARGH!!!!
And coming back to that other point, did you notice when people started calling you "woman" (or "man")?? I didn't really, when suddenly it was obviously only my parents would call me girl (or some bug-eyed, frog-tongued weirdo on university avenue… forgive me). It was either lady or woman, never girl. And all around me my friends gladly claimed the title. and my roommate would always mock-scold me starting with, "Look here woman!"

Anyways, what got me thinking about all this (other than the bill that I know is waiting for me) at work last week I found out one of my co-workers had gotten engaged last year (forgive me for only just noticing the ring eh) and then the entire office launched into a discussion on financial aid and how getting married in college screws it all up and something something jazz jazz.
Knowing me it stuck in my head but… and here comes the best part.
That night I dreamt I had gotten married. Surprise surprise. But the funny thing was it actually was surprising because in my dream I remember looking down at my ring and I was happy… when I say happy, I mean HAPPY. It wasn't the jumping about, throwing your air and dancing in circles excitedly with your closest girlfriends but the kinda happy that I guess if I were in a movie someone would go "You are glowing."

…Now as to who the guy I got married to was…

…
……
………
…………
………
……
…

Let's all wait patiently to find out k! :)

XOXO, K.D.

I AM My Hair.

WOOOO!!! I just had my hair did!! And its fly!! (No, literally, you should see the Minnesota ice air blowing it into my face and blinding me. Silly thing. ;) )
A couple hours ago I couldn't even get my big toothed afro comb through the thing and now I can wrap it even!!! (Can you tell how excited about it I am??? :D)

So anyways, there is this thing going on in my school where girls left, right, center, above and below (trust we scots to go there too) are cutting their hair. And I don't mean the short bob like Mandy Moore oooo, I mean short like Solange! (One even has a Cassie. She might have changed her mind half way? Idk) Their excuse: "My hair is too straight!"
To think the ones whom Africans looked to and began to perm their hair are actually sick of it now and want curly hair!!! We humans are NEVER satisfied with what we have, are we? ARGH!

My hair is permed, but Lord knows this thing is only "straight" for the first 2 weeks after a perm and then its back to the frizz. And I'm looking on as head after head is shaved thinking nnooooo and I realise just how much I love my hair and how like it I can be.
Before my hair was permed I never did it myself. I couldn't. It was long and thick with tight curls that created knots like they were holding on to each other for dear life! I remember my mother would ran a comb which started with 14 teeth through my hair and it'd come back with 10 because those bonds were that tight. On one hand, we both were stubborn without give, on the other we linked strands/hands and refused to let go. I look at my life and the close friends I have to whom I'm holding on to like my curly strands would hold on to each other.

Then I got a perm. Probably because people who had to deal with doing my hair couldn't anymore. I know I couldn't (When I was left to wash my own hair I had to do it in sections…funny). We are both now changed, newly formed in new ways and trying new things.
But most of all, we do not forget our roots. They spring back up, thick, curly and AFRICAN! Intertwined to link strands yet again. Yes, I am mixed and my skin pays some homage to my European side but we are talking hair and I was born and raised and still grow African.

You can take the girl and her hair outta Africa but not the African outta the girl OR her hair!!

As much as I would llooovveee to my full head of knotted hair back, I know I can't shave my head. eish!! There is a reason hair is there to cover the head. haha. Besides I like the fact I can comb my own hair now (sometimes). ;)

NOTE: I repeatedly said Africa because this kpenkpeshi hair is not only in Ghana. But I would like to say here: I'M A PROUD BLACK STAR (with cream) OF GHANA!!! WWOOOOO!!!!

Oh, Happy Independence Day Naija! :)

Because I lived…

That caption says, "A hundred years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in or the kind of car I drove… but the world may be different because I was important in the life of child."

So again, I was at the chiropractor today waiting to get my STEM therapy (some vibrating back massage thingy the function/purpose of which I still do not understand despite the numerous questions) and a troublesome shelf had been replaced with this framed poster (diff. picture tho, but same words).

This semester I managed to sneak into a leadership class meant for freshman by pulling a few of the strings I found over the summer through my job. I did this because in December back home I'm helping plan and facilitate a leadership program for JSS (junior high school) students and I thought this would be the "easiest" (30 pg readings and all) way to get first hand information on some things I could bring to the program. But more importantly it was because I felt if I did nothing else with my life I want another person's life to be significantly better because I lived. And this is what I told the class when we had to share our dreams.

In response to this, another student in the class commented on how attainable that goal was. And it was at the point that I actually realized how true that is. I do not need to wait for a specific avenue or a specific person on even this leadership program (though that is like my baby right now) but I can reach the people right here right now.

Despite the caption, I cannot honestly say that significantly changing a life is my highest priority right now not with the 200+ pages I have to read by tomorrow, but it gets a high score on the list. Either way this is speaks to my passions and what I have found I want to do with myself and how I'm going to do that (especially the "significantly" bit). But for now I'm going to start with the little insignificant ways I know how.

So I'm off to go give someone a hug, and draw a smile and make their lives better… even if its just slightly, remember little drops of water…
:)

If You are Out There - John Legend

If you hear this message, wherever you stand
I'm calling every woman, calling every man
We're the generation
We can't afford to wait
The future started yesterday and we're already late

We've been looking for a song to sing
Searched for a melody
Searched for someone to lead
We've been looking for the world to change
If you feel the same
Then go on and say

If you're out there
Sing along with me
If you're out there
I'm dying to believe that you're out there
Stand up and say it loud
If you're out there
Tomorrow's starting now
Now, now

No more broken promises
No more call to war
Unless it's love and peace that we're really fighting for
We can destroy hunger
We can conquer hate
Put down the arms and raise your voice
We're joining hands today

Oh I was looking for a song to sing
I searched for a leader
But the leader was me
We were looking for the world to change
We can be heroes
Just go on and say

If you're out there
Sing along with me
If you're out there
I'm dying to believe that you're out there
Stand up and say it loud
If you're out there
Tomorrow's starting now
Now, now

Oh now, now

If you're ready we can shake the world
Believe again
It starts within
We don't have to wait for destiny
We should be the change that we want to see

If you're out there
Ooooh
If you're out there
And you're ready now
Say it loud
Scream it out

If you're out there
Sing along with me
If you're out there
I'm dying to believe that you're out there
Stand up and say it loud
If you're out there
Tomorrow's starting now

If you're out there x3

If you hear this message, wherever you stand
I'm calling every woman, calling every man
We're the generation
We can't afford to wait
The future started yesterday and we're already late

-John Legend.

iStandAbove, you stand above, lets stand together.
And show adversity our strength, hearts, and soles. :)

A Toast to Happiness

There are some things that will unfailingly make you smile from the inside out. :D I'm smiling just thinking about mine.
A toast to happiness; for making the world seem a better place for a while!

These things give me butterflies and smiles!

1. Hanging out with my best friend (This is legit as it happens like once-twice a year :/)
2. Hugs, warm hugs, long hugs, …hugs
3. Clean, towel-dry skin, fresh from the shower
4. Roller coasters, the kind that put your stomach in your mouth or feet for the better part of 10 seconds.
5. Music that complements my mood
6. A good long laugh.
7. All forms of chocolate ;)
8. A good smell: cologne, perfume, deo, bath wash, shampoo, etc etc
9. Long hot soak after a trek in the snow
10. Daydreaming in a window seat with a great view during a daytime rainstorm.

"Happiness is like jam; you can't spread even a little without getting some on yourself."
"Happiness is a form of courage.... It is a man's contentment with the life he leads"

Where will you find your courage today? :D

Might just be PMS

Graciousness!

I just had one of those days (past 24hrs) where I've potentially experienced all the emotions there are to feel: Anger, pain, joy, irritation, indifference, excitement, anxiety, sadness, frustration, relief, exhaustion, fear, intimidation, diva-ness (hmmm I'm sure you understand), etc in no particular order. This is not a joke but please don't ask me to explain their origins because I really can't. All I can say is that each and everyone was caused by some person or the other, from some random truck driver to my co-workers to my best friend to Jamie Foxx (I had Just Like Me on repeat so I was happy lol).
And damnit I am WORN OUT and I haven't even done my workout yet.

My point?
I'm not sure I had one when I started this but here goes;
Ever so often I'm told "Don't let it get to you like that," or "Don't let [fill the blank] step on your happiness." But thinking back over the last 24hrs, why shouldn't I?
Why should I embrace enjoy and shut out pain? Or favour patience and peace over a good ol' rant and rave? Of course, one feels better than the other and others are more socially acceptable. But what would Daredevil be without the King Pin or whatever (annoying movie if you ask me)?
Or, taking it back, the three little pigs without the big bad wolf? Buffy without Angel? (But then again those two… hmmm).
What I'm trying to say is, and it is cliché but the good will never feel as good without the bad. We were not created to feel only the good things. So let yourself FEEL!! Feel all that there is to feel, at the very least you know you can and that you are well. Be grateful for that. I am. :)

Now on to Disturbia and plank jacks! huff!

Passions

Everyone knows the saying: If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything (Well it goes something like that I'm sure). Also in an earlier post I said "Believe in something; anything. You’d be less confused …at least in one area." (I also happened to follow that with: "When you give advice to others, you might want to learn to take it too." I really should start listening to myself, I sound wise. :/ )

Anyways, my point:
I honestly am not sure what things I believe in. Of course, there is God, love, and family. But what I'm talking about is the passionate belief in something that is obvious to the world like that of Mother Teresa, Martin L. King, and Kimmie Weeks to name a few. These people were/are so passionate about their beliefs that they did something about it, either they encouraged people to share in their passion, actively acted on their passion, or did both. The others I'm sure you know of all the others but Kimmie Weeks. Kimmie Weeks; He is something else.
He started displaying his passion at 14, the point at which he'd decided that he did not want to see another child go through what he had been through during the first civil war in Liberia, his home country. A time during which he was so malnourished and thus immobile that his body was thrown into the pile of dead ones where his frantic mother found him. Now he has helped the children of Africa in SO many ways. Kudos, Mr. Weeks! But, Lord forbid that I or anyone would have to face death and suffering to stand up for something that I believe in.

I've always said if nothing else, I want the fact that I was alive make at least one other life better than it would have been. There! I guess that's one thing I believe in and I pray the burning passion follows soon. For now my head and heart are very cluttered places that need a good spring cleaning.

I commend those who have already grabbed bulls by their horns and are doing something about the things they feel.

To the iStandAbove Organization, Rights to Rights Foundation, Open Hands Foundation, EASE (MIT), MIG, Aisha Obuobi, Lifestylz GH and all others acting on their passions and effecting the change they want to see in the world: Ayekoo!!

If you have a passion, do something about it. If you don't know how, make your first step asking questions, you'll get there some how, trust me. Don't let it die!!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

-Marianne Williamson.

University Avenue Woes.

At least twice a week I have to head out for my appointment with the chiropractor on University Avenue. If I'd just missed the bus that goes by there, I'd get there quicker than waiting for the next, and since I love walking 15 mins is not a big deal, especially with the sun out and my swagger on! :) Oh but everything I see, has a price.
Damn.

These are my Uni Ave Woes:

I hate it when all you see is this my “pretty face,”
Then honk and holler and be all up in my space.
I hate how you assume you can make me fall,
Undressing me with your eyes with no shame at all.

I hate when you assume you must be a very smooth guy
‘Cus then you should know I’m gonna walk on by
I hate it when you’re in my face, saying you want to talk
Going straight into “Slow it baby, I’m loving that cat walk.”

I hate when I cringe you think “Ooo that was a smile,”
And quickly make that yard an uncomfortable mile.
I hate that you say, thinking your mind is mature and complex,
“Baby, you walk sexy, you talk sexy, you could be my next ex.”

Damn! Fool.

I’d love it instead if you had style and smile and show yourself to be
A man with a heart not a blood-filled “D” throbbing for my “V”
And reach for my hand not thinking of what’s between my thighs
And say “I think I see a beautiful soul smile behind these beautiful eyes.”

Dreams (Twilight inspired)

So I wrote this piece a long time ago, around the time my sister was making read the Twilight series. LOL, so as she refuses to let me forget. This was indirectly inspired by her.

May He hold you in His embrace.
KD.

Dreams - Ruddi

The moonlight kissed and caressed the clearing;
The nighttime sounds hummed a magical melody
And the trees seemed to sway with its rhythm.
Cradled by soft grass, I lay in the middle of the clearing
Smiling up at the night sky as the wind cooed in my ear.
Enjoying the peace, serenity and hominess of the setting
I wondered what could possibly make this more perfect.
As though I had said that out loud, he stepped into the light
A wide smile on his face that reached his twinkling eyes
I looked up at him from where I lay and dared not move.
Impossible…His cannot be the same face…not here…
My heart raced out of control and my hopes ready to fly
I knew this man; I’d seen him almost every day for years
Wandering the smoky scenes of my dreams, just beyond reach,
Then he spoke; his voice flowed creamily out of his mouth
Mesmerizing me with its deep, silky quality
I blinked, my mind blank without a ghost of thought
I had not heard what he said and it apparently showed
He, laughing, held out his hand reaching for mine
Locking my eyes with his, I placed my hand in his open one
Then my head on his shoulder and his head lay on mine
The music swelled about us and we swayed to it
I sighed my content as we danced, oblivious of the world
The seconds slipped into minutes and minutes into hours
Time held no consequence as we stayed cocooned in our embrace
Until the lights of dawn began to spill over the horizon
Knowing the end threatened I held on tighter
“Don’t leave me here… please,” I whispered my plea
He smiled, sadly this time, his palm against my cheek
Slowly he lowered his head till his lips met mine
Suddenly the sun seemed reluctant to miss the moment
It burst out from beyond the horizon flooding the clearing with light
I opened my eyes and I was alone; my bed no longer welcoming
Enjoying the lingering effect of the dream, I smiled
Enveloped in the magical melody that flowed over my soul.
…You may only be in my mind, but till you aren’t I’ll dream.

Killing a bug.

So it's 1:44am and I really should be asleep as I have work in the morning and I can never wake up smiling if I don't sleep before 12:30. I'm sitting here looking at my screen, browsing Facebook, reading statuses, wondering what they mean and generally thinking too much and this BUG! keeps flying across my screen and landing on it then moving and walking about it! I blew it away, brushed it away, ignored it, yelled at it, (…yes, I yelled), but the bloody thing still kept coming back. …So I killed it.

Random story huh? But wait…

Before all that, I was thinking about how the bible says "It’s your sins that have cut you off from God. Because of your sins, he has turned away and will not listen anymore." (Isaiah 59: 2) And then I realized, much like killing the bug in order to stop it from distracting and keeping my eyes on the screen where I wanted them, I'd have to "kill" my sin in order to be able to keep my eyes on God.

But then I think, "killing that bug was so easy!" That's where the difference comes in. That bug was one small thing that was easily done away with because it was irritating and I didn't like it. Our sins are both big and small and then all those that in between and they are numerous, and often they are things we've done so often we don't notice anymore or they are things, dare I say, that we like doing!! And everyday we fall prey to some temptation or the other and we can only pray for the strength to overcome it! Sometimes there is success …and there is also failure.

But He promises never to leave you, He promises that you WILL find Him if you seek Him with all your heart, and He will create in you a new person in Christ.

Over and over again, I've prayed the "Come into my heart" prayer, but over and over again, I fail to live by his commandments and seek Him with all my heart. I even forget about Him sometimes!!! …How do you forget about someone who died to save you, who loves you more than your mother could, who has given you many many gifts and who is always by your side? How you forget someone like that? Ever think about how it breaks His heart??

Lord, I'm coming back, yet again. Please hold my hand. I know I'd leave again, but let your arm be my leash.
Amen.

…

I read a post recently about the things that cause us to lose our connection with God: Static.
Just thought I'd share.

Physical Emotions

What does it mean when emotions are so intense it becomes physical pain? What is going on inside?

When you are sad or in pain, tears would not seem out of place. Neither would they be too out of place if you were overcome with joy; or shock even. A laugh or excited dance would perfectly complement a person's happiness. These things, I can understand.

But …what is it when you are missing someone so badly, your chest (your heart?) feels as though it is shrinking and becoming tighter and tighter to the point you gasp for air; whether in shock or because your lungs forget how to work for a second, I don't know.
Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

…Maybe I just need to go to see a doctor. :S.

"Listen, learn, live."

Here is my own little "sunscreen song" of advice.

Play your favourite music out loud, sing along at the top of your voice, and dance like the world is watching but you don't care!
Learn to love yourself without being vain. It is the first step to letting yourself truly be loved, and being able to give it in return.
Live to make a life and not a living, and then your life might feel worth living. (First half not mine)
Be grateful for everything; remove "Thank you" from the list of the hardest things to say.
Remove "I love you" too, but use that ONLY (and I mean ONLY) when you are sincere.
Always be honest. Eventually the truth about that lie will come back and bite you in the ass …and it'll bite hard too.
Smile, whilst you never know who may be falling for you, it'll also keep some wrinkles from showing. Hehehe
Give hugs. LOADS of them! (Unless it'll make someone uncomfortable.)
Burst your bubble, read different books, go to different places, try a new subject, make a new friend.
Believe in something; anything. You’d be less confused …at least in one area.
Lend a helping hand, whenever, wherever (Shakira! lol, sorry.) to whomever you can. The rewards come in the smiles, gratitude and love.

Finally…
When you give advice to others, you might want to learn to take it too. :p ☺

Xoxo. Goodnight world.

The Sunscreen Song - Baz Luhrmann.

Originally: "ADVICE, LIKE YOUTH, PROBABLY JUST WASTED ON THE YOUNG," By Mary Schmich

"Wear sunscreen
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh never mind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked ...You're not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you
Sing (I second that!)
Don't be reckless with other peoples hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss
Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind...the race is long, and in the end its only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
(Hmm, you might get into trouble ooo)
Stretch
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what to do with your life...the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you wont, maybe you'll have children, maybe you wont, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary...what ever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either - your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can...don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, its the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance...even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you dont follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. (HEAR! HEAR!!)
Get to know your parents, you'll never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few, you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time its 40, it will look 85.
Be careful who advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than its worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen..."

(Kwe, that was long but,) Great advice! Listen, learn, live.
But chale, sunscreen dieh… Some of us came from The Motherland!!!

Pieces of Himself

Today, the darkness that I have allowed to follow me about lifted just enough for the light to shine and show me something I was refusing to see and therefore failed to appreciate.
I thank God often for "my friends and family," but I realised just recently how like a gift each of them is. In this my time of frustration and confusion, they have been the ones to keep a smile plastered on my face longer than it otherwise would have been if at all.
Each one in their own little way has made me feel loved, appreciated and cared about.
Some I've known hardly a week and others a lifetime, and finally I see the beauty in all these gifts God has given to me: Pieces of Himself.

For every tear you kept from running down my cheek
For every smile you replaced a frown with
For every time you held my hand or simply held me
For every day you continue to seek my company
For every time you've been there for me in whatever capacity
In my small little way I just want to say: Thank you.
Truly, thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

"Since I have no gold to give,
And love alone must make amends,
My daily prayer is while I live—
'God, make me worthy of my friends.'”

—Sherman (Daily Bread, July 28, 09)

Like A Star - Corinne Bailey Rae

Just like a star across my sky,

Just like an angel off the page,

You have appeared to my life,

Feel like I'll never be the same,

Just like a song in my heart,

Just like oil on my hands,

Honour to love you

Still I wonder why it is,

I don't argue like this,

With anyone but you,

We do it all the time,

Blowing out my mind,

You've got this look I can't describe,

You make me feel like I'm alive,

When everything else is au fait,

Without a doubt you're on my side,

Heaven has been away too long,

Can't find the words to write this song,

Oh...

Your love,

Still I wonder why it is,

I don't argue like this,

With anyone but you,

We do it all the time,

Blowing out my mind,

Now I have come to understand,

The way it is,

It's not a secret anymore,

'cause we've been through that before,

From tonight I know that you're the only one,

I've been confused and in the dark,

Now I understand,

I wonder why it is,

I don't argue like this,

With anyone but you,

I wonder why it is,

I wont let my guard down,

For anyone but you

We do it all the time,

Blowing out my mind,

Just like a star across my sky,

Just like an angel off the page,

You have appeared to my life,

Feel like I'll never be the same,

Just like a song in my heart,

Just like oil on my hands

- Corinne Bailey Rae

Wow. I AM a mushmellow. *sigh*

Either way, you are just like a star.

Always on my mind.

So I guess that last point in my last "Pensieve entry" did have something to do with it all after all. …This headache is really going. I didn't see it because it was different from what I thought it should be; Different from the way I thought it felt. But even in the fact that it is very different from what it was before, it could still be the same feeling, no?
…Maybe I have just refused to see or acknowledge it because …well, I'll hold on to that.
Either way, I've heard that to love a person is a decision you make. And to some extent, I believe that is true. My rambling ends here. But as a reminder to me and food for thought for you:

1 Corinthians 13: 4 - 13.

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
⁸Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. ¹¹When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. ¹²Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
¹³And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Pensieve entry. (07/16/09)

I'm finally back in MN after a FANTASTIC 6-day weekend at a birthday celebration in MA, and it was a blast! I met a dozen new people, went to church and listened to a very "happening" pastor preach a really good sermon and caught up with great friends. So it was Wednesday night and I was leaving the state on cloud 5. (Quite a drop from the cloud 9 I was on that morning prior to some nonsense, but anyways…) And Lord knows I must have lost my intelligence because under the guise of sharing and being honest and whatnot, I managed to go ahead and step right off the already low cloud and proceed to not only fall through clouds 4, 3, 2 and 1, but hit the ground HARD. Yeah it was that bad. Or at least it felt like it. Right now, I'm still on the ground, but upright and not face down.

And with the entire experience I re-learnt a few things I thought I already knew, and a few new ones.

The Old.

1. Honesty is the best policy.

At all times it is. BUT! Sometimes, it's best to keep your mouth shut. Some things just turn out better that way. (I was just assured that honesty is still the best option. We'll see…)

2. Sure, once in a while you need your alone time, but friends… friends are the glue that holds you together sometimes.

Don't hide under your covers in the dark, drowning your pillow or some stuffed animal of choice. Find a friend who will be supportive …and keep you out of your depressive slum.

3. Music WILL paint your canvas whatever you let it.

…Not sure I can say anything else about that.
4. Do NOT ever do anything in anger.
Do anything and everything you can to cool off before you speak. If you don't you may be regretting whatever you did for a WHILE to come.

The New.

1. Your entire self is connected to your heart. (I can almost hear your "Duh," gimme a min here…)

When you are happy, your heart is light, allowing the corners of your mouth to lift easily. In fact all the features of your face will lift. You feel lighter, some so much so they 'float.' Things just all seem so much more pleasant because you are light enough not to sink below the surface. But when you are sad, your heart is heavy. It weights down the corners of your mouth and your brow droops. Everything seems too much of a bother because you can't seem to lift yourself.

2. …I don't think you know it when you fall in love. Not least not as first as you may have had different ideas about what it should be. Not even when you are hit in face with clues over and over again …you just think that headache came from somewhere else.

(This last point is totally unrelated)

…Well.

Happy HP watching to all going to see it/already seen it.

I want my gift like this…

SO! I made a fantastic discovery yesterday and it’s not at all what you may think, LOL. What I finally discovered was the song… wait for it… Birthday Sex by Jer… something or the other.

For some who know me it may come as a surprise that I found the discovery of this song “fantastic”. And to others it might not. LOL. Don’t get me wrong, I do not mean to put myself out there as such a crif/devoutly religious person that I will feign ignorance of this thing that seems to be paradoxically both “a ‘climatic’ experience” and an “overrated chore” because really, in this day who can really say they don’t know wassup? (I believe the difference in opinion would come based on what the opinion giver ticks next to “martial status” on some form. Would you not agree? ☺ Though I’m hoping I’m among the select who think “climatic” as they tick “married” on that form ;) )…but I digress.

Now I get to the purpose for which I started this piece. The song.

I enjoyed the sound of the music and the way it seemed to go from homophonic to polyphonic quality, but then I might just me getting my music appreciation information mixed up in my head. (Help, anyone?) I also thoroughly enjoyed the subtle sexual undertones of the video (YES! I said it! ⍢) as opposed to the more common in-your-face trends that most other videos take but what I found fantastic was not the prospect of receiving my birthday gift in a space of my choosing at his place but rather the fact that it spoke of sex as something special that is given as a gift. And I believe that’s the way it was meant to be; something special that two people intimately (of course) share in the right (and fairly comfortable) place and (a bonus) sensual setting.

I KNOW what I took away from the song was not what I was meant to, but for Jer…something something’s benefit, I had a good time moving to the beat. Either way, I feel sex is something that should be special event, irrespective of how long, how often, etc and not a mindless activity in which you engage in for 10 minutes of pleasure, which may not have even been satisfying if you stop and think about it.

Ok I feel I must save the sensuality of the song after all that seriousness… But how? Choreography? ……lol… nah! Honestly, you just need to watch the video. That should be enough. Right now I'm off to sway to the beat. ;)

I love, I love, I love…

25 Pieces of Me!

SO! here I am, about to share some random things about myself.
The idea came both from facebook (where else?) and a fellow blogger over at Abrabɔ mu Nsɛm, check it out! Thanx Maa! :)

1. I just found out “Discombobulated” is actually a word. I first heard it from B. Scott so… I thought it wasn’t. lol. (Look him up on YouTube. He is something else)
2. Family: Friends And Me!!! I Love Y’all (Lol, cheesy I know). I am blessed that I have the family I do and Lord knows I don’t thank Him as often as I should for them.
3. I have a least 3 very good friends whom I have never met before. :/ :D
4. OOOHHH it gives me the chills when I can hear someone smack their lips when they are eating or gulp when drinking! There is a reason why you are supposed to close your mouth when you eat!!! Grr!!
5. I think too much which tends to lead into worrying too much. I know, I know, I shouldn’t. I can’t help it. You would think I had nothing else to do.
6. I have searched for God so many times and always get discouraged by the same things that encouraged me in the first place.
7. Ok Ok I’d admit it. I’m a mushmellow. *Resigned sigh* I love all those comedy romance movies; I love when the guy gets the girl or vice versa. I don’t think I can watch 500 days of summer and be happy. :/
8. Crying is easy; I’m just trying really hard so that you wouldn’t think so.
9. I LOVE stuffed dogs, I have 9: Benjie, Paws, Rox, Pebbles (obviously Pebbles is Rox’s kid) Lucky, Monty, Bruno, Mr. Brown, and Pipo and then there are the other animals. Lol, I know, I know.
10. Benjie has a great huge butt for a stuffed dog! :D lol
11. Mum was going to get me a life-sized Scooby Doo but someone got to it first. (Lol, yes, both she and my Granma support my madness) We all still mourn our collective loss.
12. Ever so often, I just want to have a lazy day in bed and just cuddle. …It is yet to happen.
13. My friends are important to me, but the sad thing is that they probably do not know this and if they do, they do not know just how important they are.
14. Sometimes I’m afraid to let people in because I fear they would not like what they find.
15. Music is a great part of my life. I always listening to it, singing it, dancing to it, attempting to make my own. It makes me smile from the inside out.
16. I love water…. I really should not continue cus I cant explain it further.
17. I’m very sure I can recite and sing along with a good 90% of the Lion King and at least sing along with most of the other animated Disney movies I have watched repeatedly. I LOVE DISNEY.
18. People tend to think my favourite colour is black, but its not really, I just happen to have a lot of black things, it just goes well with anything including itself. It’s a great colour, black is.
19. I like weird creatures that don’t exist, like dragons, phoenixes and griffins, especially griffins.
20. A lack of respect and further blatant disregard for my person, space and activities that I am involved in drive me to heightened agitation, irritation and, unfortunately for those who have to listen, prolonged less-than-calm rantings in order to calm down. ☺ I’m sorry.
21. “Ne-yo is not a phrase you go through, he is a way of life” Strong words, but I can understand. Jeremih too is getting there but that I've only really heard "Birthday Sex" and even then what I took away was not what he meant me to, I'm sure. lol
22. I like to believe that common sense is exactly that. COMMON. But too often I find myself in the mist of people who must really be special because they have been kept away from all things common: Sense, courtesy, manners, the list really could go on. And it really is shocking, irritating and frustrating. But I guess I really just have myself to blame for being so naïve and trusting and thinking the definition of common by the oxford dictionary is accurate. Mtchew.
23. Let's not talk about the cold shoulder I can give you when you are ticking me off. You’d be wearing bikinis in the Minnesotan winter compared. But after some space, I get over it.
24. I try not to make assumptions. But do you know in trying not to make assumptions, you end up making other assumptions. But if you resort to simply asking about something to avoid assumptions, what kinda question would you ask in order to not make it seem as though you have made one assumption or the other??? …Now I'm confused. I told you I think too much.
25. Turbulence. I feel better about a flight when there is turbulence. I don’t feel too much like I’m wasting 6/8/11 hours of my life sitting by some usually uninteresting personality.

What are some of your pet peeves?

I Found Myself - Ciara

So long. Farewell.
Hello, to the new me, the better me, that's right.

My Life...
21, and I've realized, everything you want's not meant to be.
21 then you qualify, then stand up to responsibilities.
So I tried to prioritize by deciding what I know is best for me.
And then there's always, love that tries to trip you up.
You try to catch yourself before you hit the ground. …But nothings promised.
Friends are there to cheer you up, to give you strength and build you up when you are down.

So I set sail in motion. I say: So long, farewell,
My life's moving forward. My ship has sailed,
And I'm so glad it's over. My heart mends well,
After all that I've been through, I found myself.

[*Sigh*]

22, I hope that I'm with someone who truly cares for me.
If I'm not, I'll be alright, I'll accept the time I know God has for me.
One day I'll be the perfect wife. If that's my destiny (yeaah)
And I won't be afraid to try, though there's always:
Love that tries to trip you up
But then someone who sweep you off the ground. …But nothings promised.
I'm not gonna give it up, just because the last one let me down.

So I set sail in motion. I say: So long, farewell,
My life's moving forward. My ship has sailed,
And I'm so glad it's over. My heart mends well,
After all that I've been through, I found myself.


I'm looking out for me, taking care of my needs.
Life isn't guaranteed, it's time to start living.
It won't always be the same, can't be afraid of change.
You wanna have your way,
demand till you're satisfied, you lower your self-esteem,
You gotta live your dream. It's all about confidence,
So let them know that you can stand up.
You can never try,
Learn to express you mind. Sometimes you gotta fight,
It's your life so don't you give up.

So I set sail in motion. I say: So long, farewell,
My life's moving forward. That ship has sailed,
And I'm so glad it's over. My heart mends well,
After all that I've been through, I found myself. x3

-Ciara.

I really could not have said it better. She gave me all the perfect words to express this moment, my transition. I guess you can say, I'm finally growing up. …And I mean it this time. I am my own person and do not need anyone to define me.

I'm taking care of my needs.
My life's moving forward,
Welcome to the new me.
I FOUND MYSELF.

Today, I will be King

On the 4th of February 2009, I, we, everyone, lost a very important person: King. …And it's now that I realize I don't know his last name.

Maya Angelou said "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." And as I sit here with the tears running down my face, I realize just how true that is. I do remember some of the things he said and some that he did but more clearly do I remember the way his face would light up when he saw me and I'd feel special, like I mattered. As though I was not just 1 in the 2000 Mac students that passed by him but 1 in 1. King took the time out of his day to learn my name and further to learn things about me like my country and was sometimes more excited about the idea of Ghana than I was. He'd take time out of his day to say hi and make me smile, yelling "Roooddaaayy" when he saw me across the cafeteria or "Ghana in the house" when my roommate and I walked in. King had his own problems, big ones too, obviously, since he is safely in heaven but it was still us he cared about and not himself.

There is nothing particularly special about today, June 19th, other than the fact that earlier on I was riding the bus, hauling a wide bar sound system around, when I met King again. Well, someone like him. It was the bus driver. Coincidentally, he was also a big, bald, African-American man with a jolly disposition despite having what some would think is a crappy job. But he welcomed (not just greeted but welcomed) his passengers onto the bus, some of whom by name even and others with a big "Hello, come on in."
Sitting right next to him, he looked at me a went "Boy, you looked so bored" and smiled and right away my day brightened. In the 6 minutes I was on the bus we talked about my job and school, and he told me a mini love story about his son and ended with "go to law school." :) …I didn't catch his name.

There are way too few King's in the world and therefore way too little love. I don't mean the high in the sky on cloud nine kinda love but the simple love, the love that "takes a determination to show thoughtful action when there seems to be no reward." (I'm not sure who said that).
I said to myself at his memorial that I would be King, I have not been altogether successful with this yet, but again I make this vow and will literally write it on the wall as a reminder everyday, saying "Today I will be King."

Rest in Perfect Peace my friend. I'll see you soon.
xoxoxo

Love is not a Fight - Warren Barfield.

Love is not a place
To come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
Then commit to never leave

So lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
We'll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees

Chorus:
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

To some, love is a word
That they can fall into
But when they're falling out
Keeping that word is hard to do

Chorus:
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing from us
But demand we give our all

Chorus:
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

I will fight for you
Would you fight for me?
It's worth fighting for

Stop. Let go. Breathe. Pick a Turn.

Everyone gets to that point somewhere when they hit wall and simply can't seem to get around it. No matter how hard we try or which angle we tackle it from, that wall simply would not give in. More often than not there is going to be frustration, anger, tears, arguments, and more.
It is here that we need to realize that our tears are not going to wear down the wall's cement. We need to look up at that wall and see that rather than trying to go through it, we would have to get around it. See it as that fork in the road where you have to pick the left or right. Walking away from the wall doesn't imply failure but rather a change in direction, in thinking and finally in actions that could potentially lead you where you want to go or need to be.
When you feel you are fighting with a brick wall, take a break.
Stop and think about what it is you want and the things that you are doing that are not working. Let those things go and reflect. Breathe. And now look around and see the choices in turnings you have and pick a new one. And, fingers crossed, it's the RIGHT one. ;)

Yes, I'm blessed but it's not always without stress.

Today and everyday I am grateful for my family, my friends, my health, my education thus far, the fact the my 5 senses work, the fact I can do most things I want to because my family is financially able, the list goes on. Truly, it would seem that I have no right to complain as I better off than a good 90+% of the world's population and I agree. Fully.

BUT!
Irrespective of who you are, what your position in life or situation is, there always comes a time when you are stressed out about one thing or the other that is not going right. And if you have friends who would listen, you are most likely going to talk about it with them and even complain a little (if not a lot).
Back in high school, I would often talk about problems I was having with a close friend of mine and every single time, I would get back something that I would interpret as "you are really selfish for complaining when so many people do not have half of what you do." I was always hurt by this and eventually stopped talking about what was going on with me, even when I was asked. From then on everything was always "going well."
Since then I have grown up (a little more) and better understand what was being said, or rather I've chosen to interpret it in a different way: "Look on the brighter side, at your privileged position and smile." There are still so many things that I can complain about right now, but the challenge is there everyday to look on the brighter side. I’d admit that sometimes (often) I fail to do this and sink into a mellow dramatic depression and listen to sorrowful tunes. But this just turns the world black and I’m end up in an even worse off place than I started.
But on those days where I manage to look on the bright side (which are slowly increasing), and manage to take that extra step to improve my situation, solve my problem or simply forget about things I cannot for the time being change, I am a happier person. I find that I like myself better that way too. And even if I am stuck in my room with nothing to do, I turn up the music, dance about in my PJ’s and sing into that deodorant bottle like no one is watching (and thankfully no one is).
Yes, I am blessed but I still have those times when I sink and it’s really hard to come back up. Even so, I have found my ways and it’s getting easier to look on the bright side.

Here are some:
• Take a nice long warm shower
• Play fun music really loud
• Find friends and talk about nothing
• Watch a comedy
• Write
• Take a long walk
• Pray

Make your own list and try them out when you are sinking. It helps. :)

Open hands and open hearts, open more.

There is a Chinese saying that when a man is hungry and you give him a fish, he would have one meal, but if you taught him how to fish, he will eat all his life. This is paraphrased of course.

Both are acts of giving, sharing and helping someone obviously less fortunate than you are (unless you just don't really like the one fish you have). But there is a significant difference that I see between the two. I called the former an open hand gesture. And the second, along with the open hand there is an open heart.

What is the difference?

With an open hand, you are giving to someone else the material product of your labour. This person of course can simply live off this gift for only as long as it lasts and fortunately or unfortunately material things can only last so long. (I'm not suggesting this is heartless… just trying to differentiate the two.)

Pair this with an open heart and the gesture goes MUCH further. To teach a man to fish, would require time, patience, motivation, determination, and love. The best thing about all this is that none of these open heart qualities are tangible material things, but they are what helps a man learn to feed himself for a lifetime. In a much cheaper material way but priceless open hearted gesture, you would have given a man his life.

Of course, I'm hoping you can see this not just about the fish.

This is not only about teaching a trade or a skill, but by doing various things and helping another person better themselves, you are sharing your time with another and showing that you care for them, their well-being and evidently their futures.

There are so many people to whom the metaphorical fish can be given to, but of course they would simply be eating for that day. Open your hearts along with your hands and give gifts of both. That way you both reap the rewards. Give them the ability to shape their lives and somewhere along the road, those to whom you offered help to would be offering that same help to someone new: Open hands and open hearts would open more.

Give a gift of love and time today and make someone smile.

Including yourself if you need it… 

S.A.D

Ever had one of those nights where you go out and have fun, and it doesn't have to be clubbing or drinking but just the simple act of being with friends and having a good time but when you get back to wherever you lay your head, your mood just sinks and it sinks so fast you wonder... The hell?!

Well yes, that's my situation right now. :) lol sad, eh?

But no, really, I'm sitting here and wondering. I just had a good time tonight, and yes, I know what it is that is bugging me right now but I know I have the ability to say "S.A.D!" Seen, Acknowledged, Dismissed! There is no reason at all for me to sit here and dwell on things that don't matter. Things that I know mulling about would not only continue to make me feel bad but also not solve the problem/situation.

There are many times that you have to face things that will always get you down irrespective of the kind of person you are. And of course, you would do your best to avoid those things when you know what the effect is. Therefore, when you hit this wall one too many times and you finally decided that you are sick and tired of it. S.A.D! Do not waste your time being angry, upset or down; pick yourself up, shake off the blues (to some Akon or something if you know how) and hold on to Happy. There will come a time when a short stay in the dumps is unavoidable, but when it is not, trust me, you want to hold on to happy.

Of course, if these are issues that can no longer be put on the back burner and need to be confronted, by all means please put your foot down. Otherwise, don't let the little things be E.O.Ps to your happiness. Hold on to it, because you know when you smile, eventually the whole world would smile with you. And you really would look better. lol, (Remember, S.A.D!)

LOL, writing this helped, and now I should go and try and take my own advice.

Goodnight my apple[s], goodnight :) lol. (Priscilla Renea ref. go check her out. …I should be paid for this…)

Musings on M.A.F.U

So one boring day as I slowly browsed the pages of Facebook looking for nothing in particular and not expecting anything new, I came across a new group called M.A.F.U: Men Against F'ing Up.

I'm not sure I remember what exactly my first reaction was after I read the description but if I were to take a guess now I'd say I was somewhere between "Here we go again" and "Finally!" And of course my curiosity at that point had taken over and I went on to read the various posts and watch the videos posted. Wow! …During the video, I shushed my roommate when she tried to speak and at the end I applauded. At this point my reaction was strongly leaning towards "Finally!" But I realized that as I sat there saying "Finally," I have to admit that it is in the fact that I am a woman that I see the speck in the eyes of men rather than the log in my own. It’s always easier to look at someone and see his or her "bad" side than it is to look at yourself and see yours.

In view of this, there should probably also be a WAFU group (Though that just doesn’t sound good). Now, now, ladies, we have to admit that sometimes we are the ones to blame for whatever trouble is going on in a relationship. Be it romantic or platonic. There always seems to be some drama in the relationships around me and being female, I always hear about how Kojo did this and Kwame said that. And after the boy bashing session (lol, forgive me, but we girls have to stick together sometimes), I'd ask, ”so did you talk about it?” Sometimes it's easier to stop and reflect after the ranting and raving is done and look over what the problem is. And it’s at this point that a solution becomes obvious, when the source of the problem is worked out. And ladies, if you ARE the source, admit it. It would make solving the problem easier; Men, you too.

Disclaimer:
This is not at all to say that you should take nonsense when it comes in its true unadulterated form from either party.

A Hybrid without a Home

“The truth would set you free,” I have always been told. And for the most part I believed it and still do… to some extent anyway. Sometimes my truth does not set me free, just apart, which is very different.

I was born and raised in Ghana and currently I live in the States as I am going to college here, and of course as an alien I would look for those comfort zones, aka any places with more Ghanaians than usual, simply so I can surround myself with conversations filled with “ah, ehen, oh, EI!” (Sway) lol. I had to add that.

But the point of me putting these fingers to my keyboard today is that whenever I find myself among these people and before I can start using my “chale” or “tsew,” (and sometimes even as I use them) I’m hit with “So where are you from?” and in response to my obvious answer, the next question is always, and I mean ALWAYS, along the lines of, “Wo ti twi?” My response: No.

The truth shall set you free? Really?

It is at this point that they go through the entire list of languages that they are absolutely positive that any Ghanaian would know and my repeated answer of “No” meets every one of them. They finally give up, fling their arms into the air with a "tsew" and proclaim me “not Ghanaian,” and then proceed to exclude me from conversation except when saying something vaguely uninteresting like the fact the sun is shining today, is really great.
Kwasia …tsew.

I have been told often enough that I have a British accent. Meaning I could always say I’m from England. I live in the States and I don’t have the thickest Ghanaian accent so I could also say I’m from here, I could claim I'm German, but even that I don’t speak…. I could always lie about where I’m from since NOONE on the first try ever guesses I’m from Ghana. But from where would I claim a true identity? Nowhere. No one would believe I’m Ghanaian since I don’t speak Twi or Ga or even Ewe despite a surname like Tamakloe. I could pretend I'm from so many places but what good does it do me?

There seems to be no place for a hybrid like me except among those who can't question my origin as they really know nothing about it. But its not with them but I belong nor with them that I identify. But where else can I go, if my own people refuse to accept me?

Thoughts become things.

So recently I was introduced to a book: "The Secret," the basic idea of which is that your thoughts become things.

It sells the idea that "the universe" is like a genie and your wish really is its command. The things you think about and expect are the things you get. Meaning that all the bad things that are going on with you are things you have also "wished for" as you've thought it about them over and over again. Yes, you probably thought "I really do not want huge bills this month," but the "universe" apparently doesn't hear negatives but rather, "I really do not want huge bills this month."

"Thoughts become things," sure, but a big word I feel should be included in there is "eventually" making it "Thought eventually become things". The following might give some insight on how:

"Watch your thoughts, for they become your words.
Watch your words, for they become your actions.
Watch your actions, for they become your habits.
Watch your habits, for they become your character.
Watch your character, for they become your destiny."
-often attributed to Frank Outlaw

As it is suggested above, you are not likely to receive a check for $100,000 a month just by sitting on your behind and thinking about it but doing nothing. In a review of The Secret (the movie), one person said,

"What the 'Secret' fails to convey is that once your 'wish' is out there, the answer you get from the universe is usually 'opportunity'. You still have to recognize that opportunity has arrived, be willing to seize it, and then work your butt to make that opportunity pay off "

I probably could not have said it better. Thinking about something over and over again simply puts you in the mindset of wanting whatever it is that is consuming your thoughts, and therefore you would tend to begin to act on those thoughts whether or not you are conscious of it. I'm not asking that you giving up on thinking on things and expecting them to happen because doing that DOES put you in the right frame of mind to work towards it. In case you missed it, note the phrase "work towards it" in that last sentence.

"I've always worked very, very hard, and the harder I worked, the luckier I got" - Alan Bond

Even thinking "I want to have a good day today" is something you would work towards. By keeping the thought in mind you are bound to smile more and enjoy the day. I tried it and managed to find a good time even in the fact I had just cut into my finger hauling my life on small dollies from one end of campus to another. What I paid attention to was the friends I had helping me, the laughter we shared and the fantastic weather.

Admittedly, I have not yet finished the book or watched the movie so I might be missing somethings here. But within it all, a positive attitude can hardly be a bad thing. So smile and expect good things to happen to you, some of which of course you have to work towards.

…*I'm having a good day today* :)

Bringing the Light

Over the past weekend, I attended a talk presented by Youth Action International CEO, Kimmie Weeks. Despite be occasionally distracted by the fact that I kept thinking of Will Smith after seeing reminders of him in the speaker, Mr. Weeks described how the war started in Liberia and how he came to make his decision - his vow - to make his life about making sure another child did not have to go without food and other basic necessities. A vow he made after his body had been thrown into a heap of the dead because he had been so sick and therefore too weak to move; so much so that he was assumed dead leaving his mother to comb these bodies to find him.

Mr. Weeks was caught in the middle of a battle for life and therefore has a deep and personal understanding of what it is to really go hungry. From there he took that first step that started his journey. …He was 9 years old. At the end of his talk he quoted Nelson Mandela, who said "Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure." I had heard this line many times before but this time, for the first time, I heard what followed, "…We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" Yes, vain as it may seem, it was the “gorgeous” that hit me.
That weekend my roommate jokingly led a group of girls in chanting “hot como” whilst laughing at the “you are not honestly doing this here in public, are you?” looks I shot them as I tried to ignore their chanting and general silliness.
What was my problem? Modesty? Disbelief? Embarrassment? Denial? Maybe it was a little of each.

Very often, by “powerful beyond measure” I saw Mandela talking about starting revolutions and moving people and helping great masses. And at the very least be the top dog at what ever it is you were involved in. I never thought he was also talking about the basic things that we have no control over. But! that is just small fry, I still believe Mr. Mandela spoke to the masses, telling us to not be afraid to achieve or to set high goals for ourselves for fear of what people would say.
Looking up that speech, Mandela continued to say

“Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. …And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same.”

So come out people! You may not be the CEO of a company on Wall Street but you are someone maybe with a fantastic laugh who makes people around you smile. Embrace who and what you are and show it off. Who are you not to be brilliant, or gorgeous or a Wall Street CEO? “It is our light and not our darkness that terrifies us.” But what good is a candle hidden under a basket? ...Come out from under there and let your light shine.

These Tears

My tears are falling, they streak my cheek
My emotions are churning, I cannot speak
A raging red, then a heartbreaking blue,
I’ve lost the way, I can’t find You.
These tears they fall; I feel forsaken,
These tears I cry; my heart is aching.

Each tear is from a different source, a different spring
But each one runs the same course, they all sting
Yes, I know without toil there is no gain
But this is going nowhere, it’s nothing but pain.

All I want: a refuge, a place to hide
His hand to hold, Him by my side
I want to stop the spring, to seal the hole.
I want Him to fill my heart, to make me whole.

Please hold my hand and keep me from the dead
Because I know where I finally want to lay my head.

- KuiDee
04/07/08