The Heat ...;)

This song has an awesome, awesome beat that I thoroughly enjoy, but I never really paid attention to the lyrics.

I looked them up and now here they are. And in this moment, I think I enjoy it even more...:P

I got a loss of appetite, I'm so tired
I can't sleep, can't dream, wake up every night
Chills runnin' down my spine, my fever is so high
The thought of you and I got the

Boy, you don't know what it's like, it looks like
It feels like, acts like, taking on a life
Oh, it all started in my mind
It spreads to my insides, it's takin' over my body

I got the heat, see the red in my cheeks
It's suffocating me, got the hot, hot heat
She got the heat from her head to her feet
She tried to shake it, shake it, shake it
But she just can't beat the

Here comes the heat like a fire in me
Burnin' up through my blood, got the hot, hot heat
He got the heat and he put it on me
Like a spell from the devil, now I just can't beat, heat

See the fire in my eyes but don't stare
Don't look too long or boy you might catch fire
Say you don't mind if it eats you alive
If it pokes out your eyes, you come close
You're playin' with fire

See the changes in your touch it's a rush
The passion in your blood bubbling up
Ooh, a crush can't touch this lust, boy

I got the heat, see the red in my cheeks
It's suffocating me, got the hot, hot heat
She got the heat from her head to her feet
She tried to shake it, shake it, shake it
But she just can't beat the

Here comes the heat like a fire in me
Burnin' up through my blood, got the hot, hot heat
He got the heat and he put it on me
Like a spell from the devil, now I just can't beat, heat

Burning, I'm burning up
Burning up, burning up, can't beat the heat
Burning, I'm burning up
Burning up, burning up for your love

Burning, I'm burning up
Here comes the heat
Burning, I'm burning up
Burning up, burning up for your love

I think it's something in the air, it's out there
She got it, he got it, you got it, I got it bad
Got me walkin' in circles, seeing in purple
Saying ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, oh

Got me spinnin' in a spell, I'm not well
I'm at home listening to Nina Simone
Boy, you're so contagious how much more can I take of this
Takin' over my body

I got the heat, see the red in my cheeks
It's suffocating me, got the hot, hot heat
She got the heat from her head to her feet
She tried to shake it, shake it, shake it
But she just can't beat the

Here comes the heat like a fire in me
Burnin' up through my blood, got the hot, hot heat
He got the heat and he put it on me
Like a spell from the devil, now I just can't beat, heat

I got the heat, can't beat the heat
She got the heat, can't beat the heat
He got the heat, can't beat the heat
You got the heat

 

The Heat - Anjulie.

Lists

1. Have you ever sat and tried to list (metaphorically... of course) the people that you care about? 
2. Do you think about the criteria you use to list those people?
3. Do you randomly think of one more person and try to decide whether to include them or not on your list? 
4. How does your decision to decidedly say, "No, this person doesn't meet such and such criteria" make you feel? 
5. Do you begin to rethink your definition of "care about"?
6. Does it, then, open a whole other can of worms that you hadn't thought about? 
7. Does it begin to get confusing?
8. Do you begin to feel like a bad person? 
9. Do the sayings like "seasons change" or "friends come and go" help? 
10. Do you begin to wonder whether this person or persons care at all? 
11. Do you conclude no?
12. Do you then wonder how a simple mind tangent ended up in much deeper depressing thoughts?

Forgive. Forget. Get over it. Move on.

I think these phrases get thrown about so often that no one really understands what it means anymore. Thrown about like raw rice at a newly wed bride and groom who have jumped head (over heels) first into a lifetime commitment.

And the key word here is commitment.

When these phrases get thrown, you best be poised to catch them, not let them be trampled underfoot by excited guests impatient to get to the booze and partying. Ok, enough with the bad metaphors.

For anyone to be able to forgive, forget, get over it and move on requires a significant amount of commitment (though I do not truly believe that of these four, you can ever really forget).

It hit me yesterday that whenever I thought about time travel (don't act you haven't thought about it, even if it was to think it was dumb and not indulge in the fantasy) and I would ALWAYS choose to go back to Christmas 2008. I'd say that there are many other points after X'mas 08 that I could go back to, to which this blog would apply, but X08 is a.... catch-all through to now.

I do wonder, though, would I change anything if I didn't retain the knowledge I have now? Would I, could I, choose to be smarter? To listen to myself? My friends? Family? Or even tell family what was going on at all in the first place?

I honestly can't say anything would change. But hey, a girl can hope.

And in all that, I realise that I'm not 100% sure that I've actually forgiven. I forget sometimes and then I'm rudely reminded and sometimes a plethora of emotion from anger through embarrassment to regret would surface. Have I gotten over it? Lol. Good question. Moved on? I would say yes, but if I can feel all that, have I really?

Anyways, here is what I think it would take. This is what I'm still working on 4.5 years later and would continue to work on for a while because I'm still alive and life definitely doesn't stay monotonous too long.

Forgive
I need to understand that while I need people around and need to learn to let them in, I can not expect them to NEVER disappoint me... because they will. We are all human. But I also need to believe that it doesn't mean that they don't care about me.

Forget
I think I might struggle with this the longest though Lord knows I can fake it pretty well (I think). While I doubt I'd ever truly forget I do believe that the advice in this is to let it go. It happened and it's over. There's nothing you can do to change it, you can only change you[rself], the way you think about it, the way you feel about and the lessons you take with you from it. Forget the past to preserve the future. Leave the baggage behind. Ain't nobody got time for that.
(Shout out to [a friend] who patiently and more recently pointed this out to me. ...Thank you.)

Get Over It
Sigh. When you've been hurt, this is difficult. And that's normal. It took me a while to understand that it's ok to feel the hurt and to allow myself to feel it. I tried so hard to show the world that I was fine. Most thought I was/didn't know why I wouldn't be. Some saw glimpses through the cracks and others happened to be present when I'd occasionally break down about it because I just couldn't hold it together anymore. And I think that just caused the "getting over it" to take FOREVER. There are times were I realise I'm still getting over it... But at least now I know I'm allowed to take my time and to heal probably.

Move On
Sometimes you really just have no choice about this. Unless you like decide to literally jump off a cliff or something... Don't do that.
The good Lord saw it fit to wake me/us the next morning (or afternoon), and the one after that and the one after that and each one more after that. He gave us a brand new day to turn to Him and thank Him for His encouragement to move on. It's like He's saying "I'm still here, sweetheart. I'll always be right here for you."

"When a good thing goes bad it's not the end of the world, it's just the end of a world." - Drake  (emphasis mine).

Body Language

The intensity of his deceptively lazy gaze
The strength of his long, linked fingers
The low trembling timbre of his voice

The liquid chocolate of his eyes
The confident lift of his chin
The cocky lean of his head

The whisper of his caress
The secrets of his smile
The call of his skin

My racing heart.