Might just be PMS

Graciousness!

I just had one of those days (past 24hrs) where I've potentially experienced all the emotions there are to feel: Anger, pain, joy, irritation, indifference, excitement, anxiety, sadness, frustration, relief, exhaustion, fear, intimidation, diva-ness (hmmm I'm sure you understand), etc in no particular order. This is not a joke but please don't ask me to explain their origins because I really can't. All I can say is that each and everyone was caused by some person or the other, from some random truck driver to my co-workers to my best friend to Jamie Foxx (I had Just Like Me on repeat so I was happy lol).
And damnit I am WORN OUT and I haven't even done my workout yet.

My point?
I'm not sure I had one when I started this but here goes;
Ever so often I'm told "Don't let it get to you like that," or "Don't let [fill the blank] step on your happiness." But thinking back over the last 24hrs, why shouldn't I?
Why should I embrace enjoy and shut out pain? Or favour patience and peace over a good ol' rant and rave? Of course, one feels better than the other and others are more socially acceptable. But what would Daredevil be without the King Pin or whatever (annoying movie if you ask me)?
Or, taking it back, the three little pigs without the big bad wolf? Buffy without Angel? (But then again those two… hmmm).
What I'm trying to say is, and it is cliché but the good will never feel as good without the bad. We were not created to feel only the good things. So let yourself FEEL!! Feel all that there is to feel, at the very least you know you can and that you are well. Be grateful for that. I am. :)

Now on to Disturbia and plank jacks! huff!

Passions

Everyone knows the saying: If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything (Well it goes something like that I'm sure). Also in an earlier post I said "Believe in something; anything. You’d be less confused …at least in one area." (I also happened to follow that with: "When you give advice to others, you might want to learn to take it too." I really should start listening to myself, I sound wise. :/ )

Anyways, my point:
I honestly am not sure what things I believe in. Of course, there is God, love, and family. But what I'm talking about is the passionate belief in something that is obvious to the world like that of Mother Teresa, Martin L. King, and Kimmie Weeks to name a few. These people were/are so passionate about their beliefs that they did something about it, either they encouraged people to share in their passion, actively acted on their passion, or did both. The others I'm sure you know of all the others but Kimmie Weeks. Kimmie Weeks; He is something else.
He started displaying his passion at 14, the point at which he'd decided that he did not want to see another child go through what he had been through during the first civil war in Liberia, his home country. A time during which he was so malnourished and thus immobile that his body was thrown into the pile of dead ones where his frantic mother found him. Now he has helped the children of Africa in SO many ways. Kudos, Mr. Weeks! But, Lord forbid that I or anyone would have to face death and suffering to stand up for something that I believe in.

I've always said if nothing else, I want the fact that I was alive make at least one other life better than it would have been. There! I guess that's one thing I believe in and I pray the burning passion follows soon. For now my head and heart are very cluttered places that need a good spring cleaning.

I commend those who have already grabbed bulls by their horns and are doing something about the things they feel.

To the iStandAbove Organization, Rights to Rights Foundation, Open Hands Foundation, EASE (MIT), MIG, Aisha Obuobi, Lifestylz GH and all others acting on their passions and effecting the change they want to see in the world: Ayekoo!!

If you have a passion, do something about it. If you don't know how, make your first step asking questions, you'll get there some how, trust me. Don't let it die!!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

-Marianne Williamson.

University Avenue Woes.

At least twice a week I have to head out for my appointment with the chiropractor on University Avenue. If I'd just missed the bus that goes by there, I'd get there quicker than waiting for the next, and since I love walking 15 mins is not a big deal, especially with the sun out and my swagger on! :) Oh but everything I see, has a price.
Damn.

These are my Uni Ave Woes:

I hate it when all you see is this my “pretty face,”
Then honk and holler and be all up in my space.
I hate how you assume you can make me fall,
Undressing me with your eyes with no shame at all.

I hate when you assume you must be a very smooth guy
‘Cus then you should know I’m gonna walk on by
I hate it when you’re in my face, saying you want to talk
Going straight into “Slow it baby, I’m loving that cat walk.”

I hate when I cringe you think “Ooo that was a smile,”
And quickly make that yard an uncomfortable mile.
I hate that you say, thinking your mind is mature and complex,
“Baby, you walk sexy, you talk sexy, you could be my next ex.”

Damn! Fool.

I’d love it instead if you had style and smile and show yourself to be
A man with a heart not a blood-filled “D” throbbing for my “V”
And reach for my hand not thinking of what’s between my thighs
And say “I think I see a beautiful soul smile behind these beautiful eyes.”

Dreams (Twilight inspired)

So I wrote this piece a long time ago, around the time my sister was making read the Twilight series. LOL, so as she refuses to let me forget. This was indirectly inspired by her.

May He hold you in His embrace.
KD.

Dreams - Ruddi

The moonlight kissed and caressed the clearing;
The nighttime sounds hummed a magical melody
And the trees seemed to sway with its rhythm.
Cradled by soft grass, I lay in the middle of the clearing
Smiling up at the night sky as the wind cooed in my ear.
Enjoying the peace, serenity and hominess of the setting
I wondered what could possibly make this more perfect.
As though I had said that out loud, he stepped into the light
A wide smile on his face that reached his twinkling eyes
I looked up at him from where I lay and dared not move.
Impossible…His cannot be the same face…not here…
My heart raced out of control and my hopes ready to fly
I knew this man; I’d seen him almost every day for years
Wandering the smoky scenes of my dreams, just beyond reach,
Then he spoke; his voice flowed creamily out of his mouth
Mesmerizing me with its deep, silky quality
I blinked, my mind blank without a ghost of thought
I had not heard what he said and it apparently showed
He, laughing, held out his hand reaching for mine
Locking my eyes with his, I placed my hand in his open one
Then my head on his shoulder and his head lay on mine
The music swelled about us and we swayed to it
I sighed my content as we danced, oblivious of the world
The seconds slipped into minutes and minutes into hours
Time held no consequence as we stayed cocooned in our embrace
Until the lights of dawn began to spill over the horizon
Knowing the end threatened I held on tighter
“Don’t leave me here… please,” I whispered my plea
He smiled, sadly this time, his palm against my cheek
Slowly he lowered his head till his lips met mine
Suddenly the sun seemed reluctant to miss the moment
It burst out from beyond the horizon flooding the clearing with light
I opened my eyes and I was alone; my bed no longer welcoming
Enjoying the lingering effect of the dream, I smiled
Enveloped in the magical melody that flowed over my soul.
…You may only be in my mind, but till you aren’t I’ll dream.

Killing a bug.

So it's 1:44am and I really should be asleep as I have work in the morning and I can never wake up smiling if I don't sleep before 12:30. I'm sitting here looking at my screen, browsing Facebook, reading statuses, wondering what they mean and generally thinking too much and this BUG! keeps flying across my screen and landing on it then moving and walking about it! I blew it away, brushed it away, ignored it, yelled at it, (…yes, I yelled), but the bloody thing still kept coming back. …So I killed it.

Random story huh? But wait…

Before all that, I was thinking about how the bible says "It’s your sins that have cut you off from God. Because of your sins, he has turned away and will not listen anymore." (Isaiah 59: 2) And then I realized, much like killing the bug in order to stop it from distracting and keeping my eyes on the screen where I wanted them, I'd have to "kill" my sin in order to be able to keep my eyes on God.

But then I think, "killing that bug was so easy!" That's where the difference comes in. That bug was one small thing that was easily done away with because it was irritating and I didn't like it. Our sins are both big and small and then all those that in between and they are numerous, and often they are things we've done so often we don't notice anymore or they are things, dare I say, that we like doing!! And everyday we fall prey to some temptation or the other and we can only pray for the strength to overcome it! Sometimes there is success …and there is also failure.

But He promises never to leave you, He promises that you WILL find Him if you seek Him with all your heart, and He will create in you a new person in Christ.

Over and over again, I've prayed the "Come into my heart" prayer, but over and over again, I fail to live by his commandments and seek Him with all my heart. I even forget about Him sometimes!!! …How do you forget about someone who died to save you, who loves you more than your mother could, who has given you many many gifts and who is always by your side? How you forget someone like that? Ever think about how it breaks His heart??

Lord, I'm coming back, yet again. Please hold my hand. I know I'd leave again, but let your arm be my leash.
Amen.

…

I read a post recently about the things that cause us to lose our connection with God: Static.
Just thought I'd share.

Physical Emotions

What does it mean when emotions are so intense it becomes physical pain? What is going on inside?

When you are sad or in pain, tears would not seem out of place. Neither would they be too out of place if you were overcome with joy; or shock even. A laugh or excited dance would perfectly complement a person's happiness. These things, I can understand.

But …what is it when you are missing someone so badly, your chest (your heart?) feels as though it is shrinking and becoming tighter and tighter to the point you gasp for air; whether in shock or because your lungs forget how to work for a second, I don't know.
Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

…Maybe I just need to go to see a doctor. :S.

"Listen, learn, live."

Here is my own little "sunscreen song" of advice.

Play your favourite music out loud, sing along at the top of your voice, and dance like the world is watching but you don't care!
Learn to love yourself without being vain. It is the first step to letting yourself truly be loved, and being able to give it in return.
Live to make a life and not a living, and then your life might feel worth living. (First half not mine)
Be grateful for everything; remove "Thank you" from the list of the hardest things to say.
Remove "I love you" too, but use that ONLY (and I mean ONLY) when you are sincere.
Always be honest. Eventually the truth about that lie will come back and bite you in the ass …and it'll bite hard too.
Smile, whilst you never know who may be falling for you, it'll also keep some wrinkles from showing. Hehehe
Give hugs. LOADS of them! (Unless it'll make someone uncomfortable.)
Burst your bubble, read different books, go to different places, try a new subject, make a new friend.
Believe in something; anything. You’d be less confused …at least in one area.
Lend a helping hand, whenever, wherever (Shakira! lol, sorry.) to whomever you can. The rewards come in the smiles, gratitude and love.

Finally…
When you give advice to others, you might want to learn to take it too. :p ☺

Xoxo. Goodnight world.

The Sunscreen Song - Baz Luhrmann.

Originally: "ADVICE, LIKE YOUTH, PROBABLY JUST WASTED ON THE YOUNG," By Mary Schmich

"Wear sunscreen
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh never mind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked ...You're not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you
Sing (I second that!)
Don't be reckless with other peoples hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss
Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind...the race is long, and in the end its only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
(Hmm, you might get into trouble ooo)
Stretch
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what to do with your life...the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you wont, maybe you'll have children, maybe you wont, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary...what ever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either - your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can...don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, its the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance...even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you dont follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. (HEAR! HEAR!!)
Get to know your parents, you'll never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few, you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time its 40, it will look 85.
Be careful who advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than its worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen..."

(Kwe, that was long but,) Great advice! Listen, learn, live.
But chale, sunscreen dieh… Some of us came from The Motherland!!!