Remember Me…

"Son! Come here and see this!"
He called out, Love already shining in His eyes,
"I'm finally done! Look, there she is.
My child
Look at her bursting with talent
Full of my love
my kindness
my patience
my blessings
Look! Can you see her beautiful heart?"

"Did you not create one like her yesterday?" His son asked.

"NO!" shocked that he would even think such a thing let alone vocalize it.
"Do you not see how different she is?
Like a moment in time that will never happen again,
She is specially and specifically,
amazingly and miraculously made
I know the number of hairs on her head!"
I love her so much, thinking to Himself.

Turning towards her, He kissed her,
breathing life into her body.

"I love you My child. Just for you, I chose the perfect pair to bring you into the world. I chose the perfect location for you to live, where I long see you grow in Me and to use you to show My glory to the world. Listen for My voice, My love. Listen and fulfill the purpose I have for you.

Remember me, My child.
Through it all,
Remember me."

Sounding off!

Often I wonder, "Where can I pour the murky emotions of my heart out without judgement?" Face it, a lot of people, including myself, always feel that there is a part of ourselves that is meant to be hidden from the world. The Mr. Hyde part that we rather the world not see for fear of rejection, abandonment or worse fear and/or hatred. Too harsh? Well… where?

Not on facebook; It's WAY too public. I have the strictest privacy settings yet there are still "friends" on there with whom I wouldn't care to share my happy times, let alone my sad ones.

Not on twitter; Even more public, and this time even to people I dont know. But often the freedom of quick one liners that offer such release is just…so…tempting.

Blogspot? I don't know. This space really is my sounding board more often than not. Publishing to the www is my way of letting it go; of saying "Amen," if you will. But, for the fact that anyone can easily read this and say KD is feeling this way right now, whether they actually know me personally or not… is a little frightening. But how else can I sound off?

I'd rather not burden an aching ear or weigh down an already heavy shoulder, so that takes out Skype, WhatsApp, bbm, phone calls, MSN, facebook chat, twitter DMs, emails, Gchat, txt msgs (wow…).

*LIGHT BULB MOMENT*

But… on the other hand, if you read this you brought it all on yourself… You made a choice. …muahahahha! :)
I have hence justified my use of blogspot (what a mouthful!). It shall remain my sounding board. Just don't expect to the blunt, tactless, heart on my forehead posts. Fortunately, I'm not forever morbid. :)

January is almost over!! Raaaahhhhh!

Blessings on all.
KD

Between Lines

Happy New Year!!!

We are currently almost 3 weeks into the new year and what a year it's been already… for a peak through that window, you should meander your way through the various blogposts of the past months and you'll have a good enough idea of the ensuing events and even then it falls short of JUST how… *much* this year has been.

A couple days ago, I finally understood something that I failed to even bother with before. So I thought I'd share. 

"There's a thin line between love and hate."

Sure, you'd say. That makes sense. Does it really? Think about this: 

"You need to be really close to step on my toes."

As a result of discussion, I finally understand the line between love and hate. Put simply, a person without access to your heart can only scratch your chest, a person with access to it, however, can rip it out, shred it then fed it piece by piece to starving piranhas. Very often, as recently as right now, I am so affected by the events around me that I feel my emotions running all over the place. Feeling a lot like a drowning man grabbing at loose straws and in my attempt to reign them in, I utterly fail and just shut down instead. I, metaphorically, stop writhing, allow myself to sink and pretend I can breathe the water I'm drowning in. In doing that though I'm cutting myself off from people who can't swim (I have taken hold of this metaphor and I'm running like a mad man with it…). 

I'm saying that in an attempt to not drown in my emotions and trying to shut them down, therefore withdrawing from people, I am in effect, initiating the ripping out the heart process and often not knowing because I even fail to see which people I mean a lot to. It is sometimes a difficult thing to understand that there actually are people who care about and love you…. But sometimes also, I shut down because I'm trying to keep my own heart from being fed to piranhas. 

I understand now that line between love and hate; next line on the list: that between being selfish and selfless… stay tuned. 

Note: Everyone has those times where those voices in our heads are the worst pessimists/critics that could exist, and to "bring my light" as I claim to be doing some darkness helps make the light more obvious and a person more real. You'll sometimes read these voices…

LoveU…

This piece below is not by me, but it's important enough that I must share it:

You are not your bra-size, nor are you the width of your waist, nor are you the slenderness of your calves. You are not your hair color, your skin color, nor are you a shade of lipstick. Your shoe-size is of no consequence. You are not defined by the amount of attention you get from males, females, or any combination thereof. You are not the number of sit-ups you can do, nor are you the number of calories in a day. You are not your mustache. You are not the hair on your legs. You are not a little red dress.

You are no amalgam of these things.

You are the content of your character. You are the ambitions that drive you. You are the goals that you set. You are the things that you laugh at and the words that you say. You are the thoughts you think and the things you wonder. You are beautiful and desirable not for the clique you attend, but for the spark of life within you that compels you to make your life a full and meaningful one. You are beautiful not for the shape of the vessel, but for the volume of the soul it carries.

- Boyghost (<-- link to original)

Tumbl(r)ing away…

Been playing with the idea of moving to Tumblr.
I can't really say why other than blogspot seems… stiff, unflinching, with no room to breathe (My dramatic side coming out again). …But I really like my background and all the stuff I've got on here.

(Some classics that proved to me that I've got issues :/
Coed.
One man's junk …is still junk
I can fly! …can't you?)

But anyways, first, some research…
I'll let you know how it goes and my decision.

…Posterous? maybe.

I'm wondering…

…where do you draw the line between being pessimistic and being realistic?

Have a saxy christmas :)

I just had to pop by to say that Kenny G just did something to my insides with his rendition of "The Christmas Song." It's that sax. omg. that sax …Here it is. I hope you enjoy it just as much and are looking forward to joys of Christ, Christmas, family and friends (and also for me christmas on the beach away from this snow white place :D).

#random

I am utterly torn between sharing my life and experiences on here because while this blog really is like my sounding board, but I utterly forget that privacy issues really is something to think about…
Oh well.

12/11/10. 5:01pm: My window is half covered because there's a blizzard thats been blowing in over the city since I woke up at 8am (ish) this morning. I'm not really sure about I feel about it. Of course I have opted to stay indoors all day and attempt to do work (HA!).

Last week of school/finals is about to start. I'm homeward bound in 9 days (I hope). :D

xx
K.D.