Between Lines

Happy New Year!!!

We are currently almost 3 weeks into the new year and what a year it's been already… for a peak through that window, you should meander your way through the various blogposts of the past months and you'll have a good enough idea of the ensuing events and even then it falls short of JUST how… *much* this year has been.

A couple days ago, I finally understood something that I failed to even bother with before. So I thought I'd share. 

"There's a thin line between love and hate."

Sure, you'd say. That makes sense. Does it really? Think about this: 

"You need to be really close to step on my toes."

As a result of discussion, I finally understand the line between love and hate. Put simply, a person without access to your heart can only scratch your chest, a person with access to it, however, can rip it out, shred it then fed it piece by piece to starving piranhas. Very often, as recently as right now, I am so affected by the events around me that I feel my emotions running all over the place. Feeling a lot like a drowning man grabbing at loose straws and in my attempt to reign them in, I utterly fail and just shut down instead. I, metaphorically, stop writhing, allow myself to sink and pretend I can breathe the water I'm drowning in. In doing that though I'm cutting myself off from people who can't swim (I have taken hold of this metaphor and I'm running like a mad man with it…). 

I'm saying that in an attempt to not drown in my emotions and trying to shut them down, therefore withdrawing from people, I am in effect, initiating the ripping out the heart process and often not knowing because I even fail to see which people I mean a lot to. It is sometimes a difficult thing to understand that there actually are people who care about and love you…. But sometimes also, I shut down because I'm trying to keep my own heart from being fed to piranhas. 

I understand now that line between love and hate; next line on the list: that between being selfish and selfless… stay tuned. 

Note: Everyone has those times where those voices in our heads are the worst pessimists/critics that could exist, and to "bring my light" as I claim to be doing some darkness helps make the light more obvious and a person more real. You'll sometimes read these voices…