Do you ever sit and wonder…

Where you life is going? What you are meant to be doing? Why everyone seems to be getting ahead? Why homework is so bloody hard? Why nothing seems to be going right? …Where God is?

So I have a question for you… religious, spiritual, getting there, or not any more: What was your journey? What routes did you take? Proverbs and John? Church every Sunday? Everyday? Submerging yourself in the bible? What was it? For how long did you keep it up (for those who may have given up)? How did you change? What did you change?

How do you run on faith the size of a mustard seed? How did you manage to not doubt the capability of faith that size and didn't just give up (for those who are fulfilled … well more or less)?

It's meant to be easy… or rather not as difficult as quantum physics at least, but really then how… I'm not even sure what question I'm asking any more.

Jeremiah 29: 13 / Deut 4:29
How exactly would you define: "with all your heart"?
Would it be when you do nothing but turn to God? How would you learn to that after not doing it for …forever? So big a turning point. And when you try and fail and you seem to not be moving forward how you are able to keep searching with all your heart?

Yes, yes, faith, belief, prayer… I've heard. But really how do you keep the doubt from crawling back into your heart and cleaning out not only the cobwebs but the light you are trying to get to shine in there?
How do you handle people who seem to shut you out because you do not seem to on their level or do to seem to them to be trying to get there? I mean sure, be with your kind and those who understand you and do not be dragged down whatever yackedy schmack. But really. How do you get to a certain place when the examples you see are not the places you want to be or the others are places you cant seem to reach?

Ok, so these are just thoughts I'm pondering that are going over and over in my head and is all coming straight from there and therefore I doubt its making much sense what I am asking but if you understand and have an answer please do share.

I hope you are having a fantastic weekend though.
You should check out the video in my previous post. It should make you at least smile.

KuiDee.
P.S. So I meant I have QUESTIONS for you… plural as you may have realised… :) xx

Baby are you down down down down down?!!!

Yes, this IS our very own President Brian Rosenberg. :D
Best Part: 3:18 - 3:33 in my opinion. :D



LOVE IT

The Eye of the Storm

...Moving on from that last post (I just decided I'd ignore it. I have too many things I need to spend my time on).

It was 2:40am Monday February 8th 2010. I was working on Algorithms homework (mad ass thing with a zillions thinking intensive questions and Lord knows I started on Saturday.) I'm thinking "I burnt out, I should catch some sleep and then continue." Roommates being asleep 3 hrs. I've been working by lamp, I turn this off, climb into bed.

As soon as my head hits the pillow and my eyes close my mind starts to spin:

• Algorithms: "Open Doors" order of growth...Sieve of Eratosthenes... that should be it...wait...what?
• That article for Mood is 12 pages long..
• Oh no! I didn't do the reflection for Col. Intelligence.
• Argh!! I have to read those 10 pages for 3D and then 9Highland AND THEN write that reflection paper
• I have to get those comm. serv. apps in.
  
• Shoot. Meeting with Andrew tonight.
  
• iSA write ups, review, template designs. stress.. When did he want them again?
  
• I have to get those recommendations in. Wait... when was that deadline??? OH [insert colourful phrase of choice here]!!!!!!
• Oooohhhh, is it even worth bothering about it with this my GPA?
• ....sigh. Phone bill is due.
• It doesn't end there.
  

Needless to say, I spent the next hour on the phone with my mother who tried to calm me down enough so she could at least hear what was wrong.
This was my first breakdown of sorts...
Sunday is around the corner. I have another date with Algorithms homework... but I'm in a conference all weekend. I started it Wednesday.
Lord, I'm calling on you. Nothing is impossible...

She does nothing for me.

From one of the blogs I follow. I'm patiently (impatiently?) waiting my turn to write my own…
:D
(Think about how we do NOTHING for Him. Yet His entire purpose is surrounded about us… *…Mind Blown…*)

FOOL FOR LOVE: She does nothing for me.

I’d say about 90% of the time, she does nothing. Literally. She simply lies there. She can’t tell me a joke or run an errand. She doesn’t ask me how I’m feeling or give me birthday presents. She can’t even roll over or lift her head.

But I love her.

She’s my daughter.

From the moment she shattered my 6-year-old understanding of what my family was and broke into my world, I was taken by her, smitten with an unconditional love. Pink and wiggly with eyes that could barely open, I knew that I would do anything for her. Forever. Even now, when she can do nothing for me.

Photo Credit – Getty Images: Studio Paggy

So can’t talk or walk, clean up after herself, or help with dinner. She never changes her own clothes or gives herself a bath. She doesn’t care to let me sleep more than three hours at once or spend my free time on personal hobbies.

And yet I’m not angry because I love her.

She’s my daughter.

The best writers – especially those with a spiritual touch – have tried for ages to capture the definition of unconditional love. The limits of language only leave us with similes and metaphors for what such a love could be like. Omnipotent gods are said to love frail humanity with such a love, but being the object of unconditional love doesn’t quite make its reality clear in your mind. Maybe that’s the point. Because you can offer no reciprocal gift, you don’t quite realize that a transaction is even taking place.

Omnipotent gods don’t spit up on you when you just changed clothes or cry when they’re hungry in the middle of the night.

I held her in my arms and looked at her 8-hour-old face and knew that I loved her with a unique and unconditional love. She could do nothing for me. There was no material benefit she provided in my life, and still, I loved her.

My love for my wife – while unconditional now – was once predicated on attraction and compatibility. While dating, interests and conversations had to be aligned or appreciated before a mysterious, irrational, overwhelming love could swoop in and swaddle us. And now, nearly eight years after falling in love with her, we’ve created not just a baby who will look like us, but we’ve created a category of love that stands beyond us and consumes us, taking us to a point where we love like we’ve never loved before.

All You Need Blogger: Sam Davidson via Ophelia's Webb

Heart over Mind… Really?

So I was reading through the blogs of one of the ppl I follow and there was something he had to say:

The only way to live the life you see in your dreams is to let your Heart be the Master of your Mind. This is scary because the Heart yearns for no reason, the Heart is sensitive and has the capacity of feel such great bliss and such intense pain. But that is now our calling, we MUST go through it - you MUST let go of all the reasons you can't, all the things that you think will hurt and simply embrace life as real, as primal and as intense as it is when you let yourself feel.

This is what is required of you to step into the magical land of dreams, success and most importantly happiness. Don't deny your Heart, don't turn away from the unknown, step courageously into your Fear, let yourself feel and have the strength to bare it all. This is living, this is being human - this is your calling.

Love,

Mastin

I'm sitting here thinking, do you REALLY know just how scary it is to let your heart take over your mind. I mean he said it himself "this is … because the Heart yearns for no reason, the Heart is sensitive and has the capacity of feel such great bliss and such intense pain."
When I think about what my heart yearns for at this point, the thought of giving it free reign is T.E.R.R.I.F.Y.I.N.G.
But then there is this other side to it too… I can't really tell anymore if following Kipp's advice really would be the best thing to do… There are so many things to consider. And the pain. Gosh…

Let's Talk…

So for the greater population there is the general consensus that women are complicated and we do not know what we what.

Newsflash: We are not. We just happen to not live in a perfect world but one with frustrations and it's contributing complications. Considering this it would then make sense that women also would think that men can be and are just as complicated.
Sure, we are not always sure of exactly what we want all the time and men please admit even if not to us but to yourselves that sometimes neither do you. We don't know whether we wnat that peppermint bonbon or rocky road icecream or that Aston Martin instead of the Bugatti Veyron.

But think about it a second...
Why do we each think of the other sex as complicated (the term gender now means more than just two things)? My opinion? A chronic lack of communication. I know what I want. You know what you want. Next step: talk about it.

What's the point in skirting about each other pretending to be mind readers but failing horribly and only end up making things worse by acting on assumptions. Talk it out. No matter how hard it may be. Maybe the next time you ask "honey what's wrong" you'd not just get back "nothing" and have the issue is swept under the rug from which it is going to stink eventually, or one partner is going to get even more upset because they feel the other should know (chale chale
women...men... WE WERE NOT GIVEN THE ABILITY TO READ MINDS. But we were given mouths to talk and ears to listen and finally brains to process and understand and then solve.

*sigh* I tire saf.

And just so you know this doesn't just apply to romantic relationships but to them all.
Talk it out. The first time will be hard and tempers may fly but it would get easier and you'll be better off. Do it before you simply do not talk at all about anything and the covered up wound just festers and rots and then a limb has to be cut off (Please forgive the graphic imagery).

…Have the best day y'all.
KuiDee.

If You Want Me To - Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

ya oh oh no

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley If You want me to

––
Amen …Amen

On a thursday night…

*Big sigh of … satisfaction?? No, but its not a negative emotion so :)*

So we are a fortnight into 2010! 14 days into finding out how well we are going to keep to our resolutions. I must confess I have already thoroughly failed with mine and mine include having smaller, more easily attainable weekly resolutions!! Gosh. Ah well. I pray its just the laziness of being on vacation that's keeping me from achieving anything but drama.

[Side Note: Fireflies - Owl City just started playing and the resulting smile on my face with my hands up in the air whilst singing heartfully (my own word) along was a sight to see. Haha! Anyways back to what I was saying…]

Music is such an essential, sexy part of life…
Ok, no really moving on.

So recently I commented that whoever it was who said life is not a race either was no where near the back of the race or was really truly undeniably happy with ever it was they were doing with their lives and managed to learn to not care about what the world thought.
KUDOS TO YOU MY DEAR FELLOW!!
Those of us who are surrounded by people who seem to be sprinting towards some goal they have set chale…I have to go find myself some running shoes. It's the fool who keeps walking when everyone else is running who gets caught up in the coming floods.

Finally I acknowledge the fact that I am surrounded by people who KNOW (for sure) what it is that they want to be doing and are doing just that. There are the people setting up LLPs and NPOs, starting designer labels, helping kids, talking about the entertainment industry, designing ads, managing an entire company, etc, etc and I realized that what was common with all of them is the fact that they have a PASSION and LOVE for and BELIEF in whatever it is they are doing. The words are capitalized because lower case would not have done justice to the extent to which they feel these things. Each and every one of those people that I met did not consider what it was they were doing a job. Yes it was work but not a job. They shone with that passion when something had been achieved, when they saw the result of their work and realized just how good it was.

[Side Note: Ok, Seattle - Mary Mary started playing and with what I'm talking about I teared up a little… yes, yes, I'm a sap I know. :). Back to it]

I'd sit back and wonder what it is I'm doing with my life. Yes, I'm in college working towards a B.A. in Comp Sci but I know that this is not my passion, whatever it is. And I wonder: Would I ever find this passion? What if I don't? What then? Would I be doomed to wander in search of that passion squatting in the mean time in mediocre employment so I can pay my bills…???

At this point, the closest I've gotten to what I think may be me actively working on a passion is iStandAbove… The Xpect Leadership Program (check it out, there are over 600 pix!!); the slight frowns on the kids' faces as they listened intently to a presenter, the smiles when they understand something… aaahh. :D
Passion: the elixir that give your heart wings!

What is your passion?