LoveU…

This piece below is not by me, but it's important enough that I must share it:

You are not your bra-size, nor are you the width of your waist, nor are you the slenderness of your calves. You are not your hair color, your skin color, nor are you a shade of lipstick. Your shoe-size is of no consequence. You are not defined by the amount of attention you get from males, females, or any combination thereof. You are not the number of sit-ups you can do, nor are you the number of calories in a day. You are not your mustache. You are not the hair on your legs. You are not a little red dress.

You are no amalgam of these things.

You are the content of your character. You are the ambitions that drive you. You are the goals that you set. You are the things that you laugh at and the words that you say. You are the thoughts you think and the things you wonder. You are beautiful and desirable not for the clique you attend, but for the spark of life within you that compels you to make your life a full and meaningful one. You are beautiful not for the shape of the vessel, but for the volume of the soul it carries.

- Boyghost (<-- link to original)

Tumbl(r)ing away…

Been playing with the idea of moving to Tumblr.
I can't really say why other than blogspot seems… stiff, unflinching, with no room to breathe (My dramatic side coming out again). …But I really like my background and all the stuff I've got on here.

(Some classics that proved to me that I've got issues :/
Coed.
One man's junk …is still junk
I can fly! …can't you?)

But anyways, first, some research…
I'll let you know how it goes and my decision.

…Posterous? maybe.

I'm wondering…

…where do you draw the line between being pessimistic and being realistic?

Have a saxy christmas :)

I just had to pop by to say that Kenny G just did something to my insides with his rendition of "The Christmas Song." It's that sax. omg. that sax …Here it is. I hope you enjoy it just as much and are looking forward to joys of Christ, Christmas, family and friends (and also for me christmas on the beach away from this snow white place :D).

#random

I am utterly torn between sharing my life and experiences on here because while this blog really is like my sounding board, but I utterly forget that privacy issues really is something to think about…
Oh well.

12/11/10. 5:01pm: My window is half covered because there's a blizzard thats been blowing in over the city since I woke up at 8am (ish) this morning. I'm not really sure about I feel about it. Of course I have opted to stay indoors all day and attempt to do work (HA!).

Last week of school/finals is about to start. I'm homeward bound in 9 days (I hope). :D

xx
K.D.

Exclusive are we?

Reposted from 6/21/10 cuz I'm still wondering…

It seems like more and more, this is a question that you probably would want to ask (should you be the more "geared for commitment" type, of course.)

I was watching sex in the city (what summer boredom does to you. You can add Spartacus to that too, OMG smh. I think I'm just going to stick to watching Leverage and Lie to Me and whatnots. But I'm talking in sporadic tangents bursting from my previously somewhat straight line of thought. As I was saying…) and Carrie had just found Mr. Big out on a date with a another woman: (I paraphrase and skip scenes in the following dialogue)

C: Are you on a date?

B: Yes, I am

C: Oh, oh, ok. How many dates do you go on?

B: I'm seeing a number of women.

C: Oh I see. Have a fantastic dinner. *slaps his chest in mock joy and storms towards her support/research group (ehem… friends) and out the door*

…

*hours later, phone rings*

B: I miss you baby (talking to Carrie).

I was all but fuming at this point.

Am I too old fashioned? Can I (or anyone else for that matter) no longer expect one man to simply date one woman (or vice versa)? And should s/he choose to date another, at the very least s/he could break up with the current flame s/he is dating (In this day and age however, asking the wo/man if s/he would consider a threesome might actually be what can be considered the very least s/he could do, but that brings me back to: Am I too old fashioned?)

Ok, if on both sides you acknowledge that: yes, this is a casual thing; yes, we'll go see some movies together once in a while but I will also be grabbing the occasional lunch with Agent Morgan or dinner, maybe even a midnight snack with Mr. Hardison in IT upstairs, then its really none of my business what you do.

But… My point:

We are at a point, when time is considered short, and the perfect wo/man is but myth conjured by the penmanship of the likes of Sidney Sheldon and other romance novelists. Conjured for those who still dare believe in the embrace of love, commitment and loyalty. That's all jolly. But are these a dying species? Would their extinction be for the better? And for who's benefit? Those who …sample all the slices of cake at once hoping they will find the best one when all that they taste is a gallimaufry of icing and therefore are incapable of telling one from the other?? Can you no longer take for granted the fact that this person you are seeing is seeing just you? Must you always be sure to have it explicitly stated (maybe even documented and signed with a witness (Yes, I know. Nothing slips by you does it?)) that the relationship is exclusive?

Then again,

I might just be being naive. In which case, the question should then be: At which point can you assume that you are exclusive? Should assumption be too scary a thing for you to do, at which point can you ask the question, "Can we be exclusive?"

After the 5th… 6th date?

After the 1st time s/he sleeps over? Or is it after the 3rd?

After s/he moves in?

After the 1st child?

…

KuiDee

Pensieve entry: 12/03/2010

Continuation of / update on previous piece.

It is in reading my blog that I realize just how like a roller coaster my life is (and just how emo I am…). Sometimes I have the strength to not let the bad overcome the good and I CAN keep my head up above the trouble. But then also there are times where… it's just not going to happen and I go under (Yea, I am aware that definition of trouble is relative).

But, I'm here wondering (and I think I've said this before) whether it is a good thing trying to keep your head above the water. For one it should be an opportunity to realize that it's about time you sank your knees deep underneath the surface of all the trouble and then look up, because there is strength to be found in that position. Furthermore, how else can you understand what you are going through unless you thoroughly embrace it, feel it and experience it and then hope that you learn from it and not just forget it all when the trouble passes, you feel better and then proceed to regress to that which caused the problem in the first place (#tangent). Accept that it is a part of whatever you are going through and must go through if you want to come out whole at the other end. Of course, "whole" can mean letting go / getting rid of a part that was never supposed to be there in the first place that is not helping you… or others. This is an opportunity to grow… even if it means having to eventually let go…

"The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing" - John Powell

P.S. I admit that that last blog title was *utterly* dramatic.
P.P.S. Anyone seen the new HP movie? Worth it? (Pensieve is an HP ref. not necessarily misspelt…) 

Warning: Demolition in progress.

I only just realized that in my performance of life I have left behind a trail of major wreckages. Little did I know that each wreckage was actually a piece of my heart cracked and broken off and left behind. Here I thought I was protecting myself... But no. I was ripping myself apart. Slowly. The reflecting I've done over the past 48 hrs has left me so empty. Yet so full of regrets and thoughts of "What [expletive, expletive] did you think you were doing!??"
The problem now is: what do I do? The broken pieces were originally a mix, but now just mine. Do I attempt to make it better? Is wanting to do so selfish yet again? Would it help at all? ...I'll do anything.

*Sigh*
I think too long in a hot shower emphasizes dehydration...
Shrink session scheduled, that is one person I shouldn't be able to wreck...