Saturday, September 25, 2010

[just cooked spaghetti]

It's a funny thing this life is. It's not a game but you are pushed to win. It's not a race but you are pushed to run. No one will survive it but we all seem to try. Why the ambivalence and juxtaposition? Because either no one knows exactly what life or the right way to live it is or simply assumee if you throw enough [just cooked spaghetti] at the wall something must stick.

Friday, September 24, 2010

I'm tired.

You know. That kinda tired that allows you to sit and stare at the lint floating about because you've lost your motivation to move. That kinda tired that seems to engulf your body, ooze past your bones and marinate your soul. And you cannot for the life of you explain why… at least not to another person. And not even if you tried. But… here goes:

I'm tired because I cannot lighten my load. I've tired but its like walking around barefoot and trying to get rid of the dirt by dusting off with your hands and then continue walking. Now both your hands (and everywhere you put them) and your feet are dirty. 
I'm tired because I cannot put words to the things I feel. I cannot explain their source. Mainly because most think it wrong or irrational. Trust me I know it's irrational, but try telling that to someone with [eg] claustrophobia and see if it gets them to stand in a closet.  
I'm tired because when I find myself trying to explain why I am/feel the way I am/feel all I'm ever met with is confusion, assumptions, hurt feelings or retreat. But… but… it's the truth. …Or what I think is the truth. 
I'm tired because I dont know for sure what the truth is. Am I simply hiding behind what I think is the truth to avoid facing the true issues. But facing the true issues should help me solve them so hiding from it would be stupid… 
I'm tired because when I don't explain why I am/feel the way I am/feel, I still get the same results. 
I'm tired because I'm confused…

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Watch this space.

I have not quite yet beaten my thoughts into concise, coherent submission but… soon.

Till then: Would you choose to
a. be quiet and keep the peace or
b. speak out and it's 50-50 between causing a rift and solving the problem.

I'd like your input…
KD.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

CUTE!!!


OMG I'm such a sap. This is so fluffy I dunno how to feel!!! 

Sexy time.

Ok, the world is just giving me material to work with here.

Imagine with me please:
Someone, say female, is utterly down in the dumps. I mean she's upset, has probably been crying and she is trying to feel better but it's not really working. And the guy she's talking to hoping he would cheer her up suggests sex because it's a great picker upper.

Now,
One. I was under the impression that one needs to be in the mood for sex for it to be any good.
Two. It has to be good for it to work as a picker upper.
and Three. Knowing this person is upset, how exactly quickly do you think the process from upset to sad to happy to sexy time happens?
Seriously?

For me, the impression I get is simply that the guy wants to get laid. Ok I really dont know since I'm not a guy, … actually hold on I'm going to ask…

So apparently, for the guy it'd work for him if he was upset…
I don't even know what to say anymore. Mtchew.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

I NEED TO RANT!

See, the issue with technology and social networking websites is not only that they are so many but despite the numbers you STILL can't escape from some people.
Once upon a time, we were chill and I didn't mind you on everything (cus nothing special/significant really happens that goes on there) but now I'd much rather not have said person have such unlimited access to my life BECAUSE I WANT TO RANT ABOUT YOU (said person)!
Number of media through which I was rant-blocked: 3
Twitter, Facebook, and Skype. (Would be 4 if their blackberry msgr was set up and 5 if I knew they read this blog). And because of this I think I was just more irritable because I just couldn't rant!! Do you know just know frustrating that is?

But I have another point of view by which you can look at this problem.
We (I) learn accountability and/or to be patient.

Lemme explain…
So patience first. It was the simple fact that I couldn't just go straight to twitter to spew a string of words that expressed my grand irritation with this person because they were bound to see it and even if they didn't guess it was about them would ask about it anyways. As a result, I had to sit and fight away/ignore the cause of the irritation until I felt better or just be straight with the person and tell them to BEHAVE!

Accountability; Really should be self-explanatory.
With so many avenues where you can create an online version of yourself each of which is accessible by so many people, there are bound to be times where you check yourself or some else does that for you.
Of course the standards to which one is kept accountable is defined by themselves and their group of friends…

Lol. Obviously, sometimes these social networking thingys allow you to explore different points of view.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Year of Lasts

Tonight, I will be going to bed just like I have every night in the past (well most nights at least). But tomorrow; tomorrow I'll wake up different.

It's been 3 years coming, this night has. 3 years, I've waited and waited, longed for and hoped for. And now it here. Tomorrow morning I wake up a college senior. Tomorrow morning I begin my year of lasts, with my last first day of fall semester.

I'm torn between anxiety and excitement about the future.
Anxiety because I do not know where I will be, what I would have accomplished and what I would have failed to accomplish. I do not know if I will even make it to the end of senior but God carried me through my accident so I must be meant for more than the trials of school if I'm alive now.
(R.I.P. to those who cannot say same for they are with the Father. Paa Bed, I didn't know you at all but obviously, you meant a lot to a lot of people. Godspeed brother.)
Anxiety because of all the plans (A - D so far) I hope to fall back on, I'm not sure yet of which would hold, if any at all.

But despite all that, excitement because I feel as though graduation marks the beginning of an independence that I do not yet know. Yes, I have been living on my own and paying bills, etc. but there is something missing in all that that I feel graduation will bring.
Excitement also because I will finally find out what benefit college has been to me and how much of it I really will use. Classroom knowledge versus social/people handling knowledge…?

I'm not sure I like this whole not knowing exactly where I'm going kinda thing… Hmph.
Ok bedtime. I have a blasted 8am financial accounting class which I only have because I'm trying to figure out my post graduation plan A.1.

AArrrgggghhhhhhh! Ok ok bedtime. Gnyt y'all!

xx.
KD
 
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