All good things…

As I walked home with my housemate from school today, we talked about how on campus there was an ad for a visiting… person who was coming to talk about… something or the other. The topic was not important, the way it was advertised, however, was. The flyer said: He's coming. Of course, on the "Godless campus"(not my words though I agree) that is my school, no one batted an eye to this, but for me, as we would say back home, "MY HEART COOT!" Yes, my heart pretty much forgot to beat for a second. By my understanding, "He" referred to our Lord Jesus Christ and the statement "He's coming" meant He is coming for those who are His. My heart stopped because I asked myself, "Am I one of Yours, Lord?" The answer I came up with was "No."

By the time we had gotten home, the conversation had somehow turned to graduation and post-graduation plans, but not in the way you may think. We both felt (well, at least I did) that we had faked our way through most if not all of our academic lives. Personally, I was never the hardcore nerd who studied till the dawn. I refused to give up sleep for unfinished assignments. I would take 3 hour breaks after 45 mins of reading, and by reading I mean reciting the first line of the page because I had memorized it after reading it 15 times. And despite all this I find that I do not get horrible grades, I have a good enough GPA and people around me seem to think I'm smart. It baffles me because I sure don't.

The scariest part of all this is that we are graduating in 7 weeks. In 7 weeks, our professors, who we convinced are trying to ruin our lives, will no longer be there to kindly hand out extensions to deadlines, or nod thoughtfully as we argue out a point we think is extremely valid and profound and of course requires the 5 minute monologue. In 7 weeks +, we will have bosses to answer to, bosses who expect that we actually took away something useful from our time in college and not just 9 seasons of Scrubs. Soon enough, we'll be smoked out of the holes where we managed to hide the fact that we have so far gotten by using various coping mechanisms for when we are not as good as we should be.

BUT…
As I sat at my desk reading for tomorrow's class, I came across this in the acknowledgements section of my computer science textbook:

First, and most of all, I thank my creator and savior, Jesus Christ. Without Him I could do nothing, and I know that every good thing I have comes from Him (James 1:17).

Wow! Way to put things in perspective for me. Here I am, complaining about how "I don't know how I've made it this far," and "I have totally been faking intelligence this whole time," and with each sentence failing to acknowledge Him who has given me everything I have. Everything from my brain, to my admission to this school, to my scholarship and supportive family, friends and faculty. And STILL I complain??! I'm ashamed to think that I am SURROUNDED by His blessings everyday and still I am blind to them and ungrateful; deaf to our Lord who calls me His own and loves me immensely just because He created me and for Him that is enough to love me without reason.

Lord, forgive me. Forgive my stubbornness and ingratitude towards You. Forgive me for refusing to see You in everything that I do; in every correct answer, every passed course and in every offer of "Congratulations." Please, help me to move the focus from me and to You because without You there is no me; in every sense. Thank You for the love You continue to show me though I do not deserve it. In Jesus' name, Amen.

I'm working towards the day I'll read the words "He's coming" and I will rejoice because the answer to my question will be "Yes."

Do have blessed days all.
-K.D.