Mosaic Person

There is something about the saxophone that I often feel I can identify with. I cannot explain it to you. I often say the saxophone is the sexiest instrument. No, not because I feel sexy myself but because it speaks to something inside. It doesn't matter what the musician intended for the piece but manages to cause whatever I'm feeling to bubble over. But yea, this is just a prelude to my musings…

How can one be thought of as both cold and emotional; to some an angel, to others they'd make the devil squirm. Do you ever wonder who you actually are? Is there a single person who is not sculpted to some extent by their reactions to the way they are perceived by others whether to become the opposite of that perception just in spite or simply to go along with it because it is positive?

It's not that easy being yourself by yourself is it? (This is not rhetorical).
What is the point of having self-help guides, life coaches, daily motivators or even the Bible then if it was easy to be who we are meant to be?

God created us, but we born into sin, so to be who we are meant to be would result in sinful creatures and therefore there would be no promise of Heaven. But if you believe in God and in his word you cannot let yourself be slave to the whip of sin and to receive the promise of eternal life, heaven and ended suffering, you give your life to Christ and then follow His Word. This. Is. Hard.

Then beyond the religious realm, humans are social creatures. Everyone needs and wants friends and after they get them, try to keep them. In the process of which there is the politically correct language, the white lies, the high levels of tolerance and patience until they get the stamp of approval. And then the pretty wallpaper is slowly torn down to exposed the burnt gray brick underneath. And if you are not the kind to put up pretty wallpaper in the first place, you may be considered cold, rude, mean or "refreshingly honest" (which I think is nonsense) because you say it like it is and in this day and age… who, really, likes that? (Be refreshingly honest one more time and you'll be out on your ear wondering "wth!? I thought she liked that!") There wouldn't be as many successful plastic surgeons if people really did enjoy honesty.

And on that note: There are those people who cannot be themselves physically because of what the media and subsequently the world have construed to be the pinnacle of beauty. There is a difference between changing yourself to be fit or at least healthy than to simply to match the anorexic foetus sized "models." What happened to the whole "it's what on the inside that matters"? I'm not at all suggesting that it is not the outside that you are initially attracted to (my blatant ogling of a soaked shirtless young gentleman at the water park is proof enough) but look beyond that already!

Basically: How do you be yourself in a world full of different demands from different mediums?? What happens when you finally look inside yourself and you find its all mixed and confused and I don't know which direction to follow and rightly so??

…Have fantastic hump day.

xx
KD