Dear baby…

Hello my beautiful baby,

How are you doing? I'm not sure what I want to say but… here goes.
This is your mummy, well the 22 and 3 day old version of me and as much as I know I will love you, I hope I don't get to meet you at least for the next 2 (…maybe 3) years. I'm not very ready for you just yet considering I currently haven't even met your daddy yet. Well I may have met him but have no idea/clue/desire for him to be your daddy just yet, who ever this guy is. Haha! It would actually be interesting to find out who it is if I already do know your daddy now. LOL.

Why am I writing to you? Honestly? Right now, I'm avoiding my algorithms homework due tomorrow morning at 1o:50am and its 9:23pm right now. But also I've got you on my mind. See, a good friend of mine goes on and on about how she can't wait for a baby and even says, "I want a baby now!" Once or twice I have felt the same way but I'm not sure I ever have with as much passion as she shows. She literally lights up when she sees a baby and by baby I mean anyone under 7 (?) years old. So it's because of her that you are on my mind as she coos at yet another baby. …Will I ever really feel that way?

I'm wondering whether I'd be a good mother to you. Will I have picked the right father for you? And by that I'm not necessarily talking about your biological father (though I hope he is the one in question), but the one I choose to act in that capacity. One will love you as much as I do. One who will love and protect us. One who will make us a family. Will I protect you with all I have? Will I introduce you to your creator and to His word and show you the way He wants you to live? Will I teach you respect and still be the first person you come to when you need to talk? (And baby, if you are a boy yes, I'm talking to you too.)

Maybe these are just the fantasies of a 22-year-old woman and tears fill my eyes as I write this though I cannot explain why. There are so many lessons I believe I'm yet to learn before I can teach them to you. So many attitudes I'm yet to develop and many more I'm yet to get rid of. So much anger I need to let go off. I have a long way to go in my walk with God. …There is a lot more growing up I have to do before I can get to meet you. And I do no think even now I could bear to give you away simply because I was not ready to receive you… You, the gift that God may choose to give to me personally? Lord forbid.

But when God finally decides it's the right time that we meet, my only prayer is that I be the best mother I can possibly be and give you all the love, support and care you need. (This is all mushy stuff, but baby I can tell you now though I'm not sparing that rod if you need it.)

Should difficult homework be what inspires these letter to you my love, I do believe this is simply the first of many to come. And like the responsible and sensible person I hope to be when you finally read I should get back to this homework…
Sigh… if I'm working in the computer science industry as you read this come give me a big hug. (Well, either way I want a hug after this.)

Already, you have my love, always.