Wild Thing

My last semester in college I took an intro to creative writing class. In one of the sections, our assignment was to write a non-fiction personal essay. Here is mine.

Dedicated to Nabby Baffour-Awuah, R.I.P my boo.

I do not remember my very first time. But whenever it was, I loved it. And still so. I love the feeling of having my stomach rise to my chest or sometimes fall to my feet. I love the adrenaline that surges through my veins and keeps going like a dog chasing its tail. I especially love it when gravity, distracted by an itch perhaps, forgets to hold onto me and for a brief moment lets me fly. The one and only thing I hate about roller coaster rides is the fact that no one I know enjoys them as much as I do. Until Nabby visited, Summer 2010. Nabby and I first met in high school where we participated together in a lot of the same things: basketball, dancing and even sitting at the back of chemistry class with Tomefa (another friend) not paying attention. 

The sun blazed its hardest that day, as though trying to convince the earth not to succumb to winter ever again. I was cheerfully on its side. Nabby, Tomefa, four other friends and I had plans to spend that day at Valley Fair, one of Minnesota’s very own amusement parks. A couple weeks before, I had been in a car accident, so that while my legs were fully functional with hardly any pain, they did look bruised and yellowed. And purpled and blued. I was wearing shorts; this meant the bruises were visible, causing my friends to ask questions and give their sincerest condolences. Then Nabby interjected, “Did the driver pay? We should chase him down!!” excitedly pumping his impeccably toned arm in the air, beginning the day as usual with jokes and laughter.

At the park, we worked our way through the rides, starting on the ‘baby’ rides that elicited loud enough screams from the thirty odd people on the ride to have me howling with laughter. See, I had been on all these rides before, but much like watching horror movies, there is the extra thrill that comes from watching the others too. After the first ride and my apparently obvious and fearless need for a G-force of any magnitude, Nabby decided I was going to be his ride buddy for the rest of the time. Hopefully, I would rub off on him, he said.

Soon enough the ‘adult’ ride for the day came along. Wild Thing, it was called. “Finally!” I practically squealed, unable to hide my excitement. “Nabby! Let’s get the front seats!” I called out, waving him over from my place in line. Still adjusting to the thrills of the day, he laughed, gave me a look and stood his ground in the fourth row seat line. Eventually I gave in and joined him, still elated at the fact that I finally had a friend willing to join me on the stomach dropping rides, front seats or not.

Halfway through the ride, I hooted and yelled as I pumped a fist in the air. Nabby held on to my other, repeating, “Ruddi, you are crazy.” I laughed, coaxing him to join me at least with one raised fist. By the end of ride, we each had a fist in the air. We rode Wild Thing a second time, this time paying it a four-fisted tribute, a tribute to the beauty of the rush of adrenaline. I finally had a roller coaster buddy.

I was back home in Ghana caught up in my jetlag and New-Year’s-Eve-on-the-beach high and oblivious to all ills.

Oblivious to the fact that halfway across the world, Nabby fought for his life. 

Skype: January 1st 2011; 5:35 AM

Dosoo: Ruddi, have u heard?
Ruddi:  ?
Dosoo: Nabby died…


The one and only thing I hate about roller coaster rides is the fact that no one I know enjoys them as much as I do.

Rest in Perfect Peace my Friend, till we meet again.

Between Lines

Happy New Year!!!

We are currently almost 3 weeks into the new year and what a year it's been already… for a peak through that window, you should meander your way through the various blogposts of the past months and you'll have a good enough idea of the ensuing events and even then it falls short of JUST how… *much* this year has been.

A couple days ago, I finally understood something that I failed to even bother with before. So I thought I'd share. 

"There's a thin line between love and hate."

Sure, you'd say. That makes sense. Does it really? Think about this: 

"You need to be really close to step on my toes."

As a result of discussion, I finally understand the line between love and hate. Put simply, a person without access to your heart can only scratch your chest, a person with access to it, however, can rip it out, shred it then fed it piece by piece to starving piranhas. Very often, as recently as right now, I am so affected by the events around me that I feel my emotions running all over the place. Feeling a lot like a drowning man grabbing at loose straws and in my attempt to reign them in, I utterly fail and just shut down instead. I, metaphorically, stop writhing, allow myself to sink and pretend I can breathe the water I'm drowning in. In doing that though I'm cutting myself off from people who can't swim (I have taken hold of this metaphor and I'm running like a mad man with it…). 

I'm saying that in an attempt to not drown in my emotions and trying to shut them down, therefore withdrawing from people, I am in effect, initiating the ripping out the heart process and often not knowing because I even fail to see which people I mean a lot to. It is sometimes a difficult thing to understand that there actually are people who care about and love you…. But sometimes also, I shut down because I'm trying to keep my own heart from being fed to piranhas. 

I understand now that line between love and hate; next line on the list: that between being selfish and selfless… stay tuned. 

Note: Everyone has those times where those voices in our heads are the worst pessimists/critics that could exist, and to "bring my light" as I claim to be doing some darkness helps make the light more obvious and a person more real. You'll sometimes read these voices…

Hmmm… I'm in a mushy mood…

BUT I LIKE EET!! :D

Anyways, I stumbled upon this and thought I'd share my favourite ones!
Source: Love-ly murals (You can't get me Mr. Kitching! (Is that his name saf…))

:DDD

(Ok, this one is such a line!)

(Pile of mush all on the floor… *gush*) 

(Accounting major maybe?)

I'm in such a good mood! :D Have the best day y'all.

xx
KD.

I can fly! …can't you?

My eyes were open… but I'm not sure I could see anything. Not the rain, not the people, not the ground, not the car, not my bike. At least I don't remember seeing them. I was up in the air. I knew I was up in the air. What I didn't know was what my body was doing. I didn't know where my legs were pointing, I didn't know whether my arms were flailing or not.

I wasn't screaming… that much I know. I had a straight face on. Unfeeling. Ruminating almost. Noting the facts: "Ok, I'm in the air." Then the ground sped towards me. Not that I saw it coming. It was just logical that air + gravity = ground at some point. I don't know what hit what… then I was on my back. Still conscious (fantastic innit?). The rain pouring down on my face (and everything else I suppose), filling my mouth… cus… well… it was open. …I giggled. The absurdity of the fact that I was just hit by a car, was up in the air and just landed on the street in the pouring rain and couldn't move anything was funny to me.

I started convulsing at that point, which I'm pretty sure was due to a combination of the sudden cold and shock (I like to believe the laughter was from that too). I was suddenly aware there was a woman beside me cooing as though I was a baby and calling me that too. "It's ok baby; You are going to be alright baby." It was comforting, for sure. Then I remembered where I was: in public. I sat up then proceeded to stand and smile, "Hello; Yes, I'm quite alright."

(Heh! Can someone tell this editor that "alright" is spelled correctly. Where is your English teacher???? Anyways…)

I stood there and rinsed off the soil and whatnot off my toes in the rain. I had totally forgotten I had a bike until the driver of the car, looking almost sick, gave me a hug and offered to get me a new bike. "Oh, is my bike totalled?" (Say that like "toe-tild" hehe.) The frame of the bike was bent in an odd manner into the wheels such that you couldn't spin them if you tried. "Oh. Hmm. Yea, a new bike would be useful."

I had healed, forgotten about the accident, written 3 books, was VP of Google, had a gorgeous husband, 3 children and 10 grandchildren before the police came and regressed me back to the present time. Then the ambulance followed. (GORGEOUS DUDE BTW. Never caught his name :( ) Apparently I had messed up the windshield and left pieces of my shirt on the car somewhere and therefore I had to go get checked out.

Now for the stupid part.

I lay in that hospital bed for 4 hrs. 4 HRS OOO. Question after question, poking, prodding, lifting, touching, feeling, x-raying, etc AND I STILL HAD TO ASK THE BLOODY DOCTOR TO DRESS THE BLOODY WOUND. Here I am bleeding onto your sheets and pillows and whatnot and you can't guess that cleaning and bandaging it up might be wise? Or you don't do that in the ER? Like …wtf? And even then I could've done what she did very easily. Grr. She then told me to "get dressed" and they were going to discharge me. I looked at her like… o_O

I was so pissed I got into my freezing still wet clothes and walked outta the hospital (God was on my side cus first of all I was alive and second I could miraculously walk on my ankle with minimal pain!). I put on my best "don't talk to me, you are ticking me off" face and walked out to find someone who could help me better than these "certified" ones. (The smart ppl hadn't thought to call my emergency contact either. I mean, when else would this contact be useful but in an emergency situation? When I was dead? I was in an ER for Pete's sake. Damn).

I whipped out my phone which also was working perfectly despite the fall and thorough soaking (can I get a hallelujah) and called my hosts for a ride, freaking my brother out and went back in to wait. (I did get officially discharged because I wanted my pain prescription. Ugh. Vicodin… I felt so Dr. House cool.)

So the hosts came, took me home where I crashed. All in all, rather eventful day no? :D

I am truly grateful to be in the condition I am because it could've been a lot worse, hence the current jolly disposition (as for the laughter during… I can't explain). I've had my miracle for the year. Thank you Lord. :D

xx

KD

Tree …Bedroom!

I'm totally fine with a normal house and all. This is just going to be an attachment on top of it. My private relaxing room. Wooo!!! :D … I'm such a daydreamer.

www.thecoolhunter.com go ahead and procrastinate.

Friends…

Even the most beautiful of gems must first be carved out from the dusty, dirty earth.

The blog piece I started writing in place of this one could not be going further in the opposite direction. It was full of rage. Full of anger. I was pouring out my feelings because writing is usually the only why I know how to express them and get them to leave me alone and let me feel better. Be better. But what I was doing instead was holding on to the emotions; on the rage I felt and wouldn't let it go. I need to learn to let them go.

Fortunately, I had a friend send me this:

Sometimes we… I focus too much on the bad and tend to forget those things that are good or at least just enough. Those things I actually am trying to get on my feet to chase.

…Even then, "And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away."

Should you be able to loosely replace "right hand" with "'friend'" do not hesitate to cut it off and throw it away. I have hesitated and keep hesitating… lol. Soon enough I'll stop being a wuss and will pick up that axe.

It about time I crawled into bed.

xoxo.

I thought I'd share.

Bend reality

Is there something outside of you that's troubling you? The distress you're feeling is not from the thing itself.
The distress you experience is from what you think of it and the way you feel about it. You can change that in an instant.
You can change what you fear into what you eagerly anticipate. You can change a burdensome problem into a magnificent opportunity.
The vast majority of all that happens in this enormous universe is out of your control. And yet with every bit of it, you can control what it means to you.
Do you fully realize how much power that gives you? Do you understand the unlimited nature of what you can do with whatever you have?
Just by the way you choose to accept and to make use of reality, you can bend that reality to empower your own unique purpose. See what is, accept what is, and use it to achieve your finest dreams.
-- Ralph Marston

Read more: http://greatday.com/motivate/100226.html#ixzz0grRmCG8u

25 Pieces of Me!

SO! here I am, about to share some random things about myself.
The idea came both from facebook (where else?) and a fellow blogger over at Abrabɔ mu Nsɛm, check it out! Thanx Maa! :)

1. I just found out “Discombobulated” is actually a word. I first heard it from B. Scott so… I thought it wasn’t. lol. (Look him up on YouTube. He is something else)
2. Family: Friends And Me!!! I Love Y’all (Lol, cheesy I know). I am blessed that I have the family I do and Lord knows I don’t thank Him as often as I should for them.
3. I have a least 3 very good friends whom I have never met before. :/ :D
4. OOOHHH it gives me the chills when I can hear someone smack their lips when they are eating or gulp when drinking! There is a reason why you are supposed to close your mouth when you eat!!! Grr!!
5. I think too much which tends to lead into worrying too much. I know, I know, I shouldn’t. I can’t help it. You would think I had nothing else to do.
6. I have searched for God so many times and always get discouraged by the same things that encouraged me in the first place.
7. Ok Ok I’d admit it. I’m a mushmellow. *Resigned sigh* I love all those comedy romance movies; I love when the guy gets the girl or vice versa. I don’t think I can watch 500 days of summer and be happy. :/
8. Crying is easy; I’m just trying really hard so that you wouldn’t think so.
9. I LOVE stuffed dogs, I have 9: Benjie, Paws, Rox, Pebbles (obviously Pebbles is Rox’s kid) Lucky, Monty, Bruno, Mr. Brown, and Pipo and then there are the other animals. Lol, I know, I know.
10. Benjie has a great huge butt for a stuffed dog! :D lol
11. Mum was going to get me a life-sized Scooby Doo but someone got to it first. (Lol, yes, both she and my Granma support my madness) We all still mourn our collective loss.
12. Ever so often, I just want to have a lazy day in bed and just cuddle. …It is yet to happen.
13. My friends are important to me, but the sad thing is that they probably do not know this and if they do, they do not know just how important they are.
14. Sometimes I’m afraid to let people in because I fear they would not like what they find.
15. Music is a great part of my life. I always listening to it, singing it, dancing to it, attempting to make my own. It makes me smile from the inside out.
16. I love water…. I really should not continue cus I cant explain it further.
17. I’m very sure I can recite and sing along with a good 90% of the Lion King and at least sing along with most of the other animated Disney movies I have watched repeatedly. I LOVE DISNEY.
18. People tend to think my favourite colour is black, but its not really, I just happen to have a lot of black things, it just goes well with anything including itself. It’s a great colour, black is.
19. I like weird creatures that don’t exist, like dragons, phoenixes and griffins, especially griffins.
20. A lack of respect and further blatant disregard for my person, space and activities that I am involved in drive me to heightened agitation, irritation and, unfortunately for those who have to listen, prolonged less-than-calm rantings in order to calm down. ☺ I’m sorry.
21. “Ne-yo is not a phrase you go through, he is a way of life” Strong words, but I can understand. Jeremih too is getting there but that I've only really heard "Birthday Sex" and even then what I took away was not what he meant me to, I'm sure. lol
22. I like to believe that common sense is exactly that. COMMON. But too often I find myself in the mist of people who must really be special because they have been kept away from all things common: Sense, courtesy, manners, the list really could go on. And it really is shocking, irritating and frustrating. But I guess I really just have myself to blame for being so naïve and trusting and thinking the definition of common by the oxford dictionary is accurate. Mtchew.
23. Let's not talk about the cold shoulder I can give you when you are ticking me off. You’d be wearing bikinis in the Minnesotan winter compared. But after some space, I get over it.
24. I try not to make assumptions. But do you know in trying not to make assumptions, you end up making other assumptions. But if you resort to simply asking about something to avoid assumptions, what kinda question would you ask in order to not make it seem as though you have made one assumption or the other??? …Now I'm confused. I told you I think too much.
25. Turbulence. I feel better about a flight when there is turbulence. I don’t feel too much like I’m wasting 6/8/11 hours of my life sitting by some usually uninteresting personality.

What are some of your pet peeves?

Bringing the Light

Over the past weekend, I attended a talk presented by Youth Action International CEO, Kimmie Weeks. Despite be occasionally distracted by the fact that I kept thinking of Will Smith after seeing reminders of him in the speaker, Mr. Weeks described how the war started in Liberia and how he came to make his decision - his vow - to make his life about making sure another child did not have to go without food and other basic necessities. A vow he made after his body had been thrown into a heap of the dead because he had been so sick and therefore too weak to move; so much so that he was assumed dead leaving his mother to comb these bodies to find him.

Mr. Weeks was caught in the middle of a battle for life and therefore has a deep and personal understanding of what it is to really go hungry. From there he took that first step that started his journey. …He was 9 years old. At the end of his talk he quoted Nelson Mandela, who said "Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure." I had heard this line many times before but this time, for the first time, I heard what followed, "…We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" Yes, vain as it may seem, it was the “gorgeous” that hit me.
That weekend my roommate jokingly led a group of girls in chanting “hot como” whilst laughing at the “you are not honestly doing this here in public, are you?” looks I shot them as I tried to ignore their chanting and general silliness.
What was my problem? Modesty? Disbelief? Embarrassment? Denial? Maybe it was a little of each.

Very often, by “powerful beyond measure” I saw Mandela talking about starting revolutions and moving people and helping great masses. And at the very least be the top dog at what ever it is you were involved in. I never thought he was also talking about the basic things that we have no control over. But! that is just small fry, I still believe Mr. Mandela spoke to the masses, telling us to not be afraid to achieve or to set high goals for ourselves for fear of what people would say.
Looking up that speech, Mandela continued to say

“Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. …And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same.”

So come out people! You may not be the CEO of a company on Wall Street but you are someone maybe with a fantastic laugh who makes people around you smile. Embrace who and what you are and show it off. Who are you not to be brilliant, or gorgeous or a Wall Street CEO? “It is our light and not our darkness that terrifies us.” But what good is a candle hidden under a basket? ...Come out from under there and let your light shine.