Time Lapse

Dear someone,
To take the time to describe to you exactly how I feel would be like attempting to climb a mountain… without gear… in the middle of an Arctic blizzard… with my back against the rock. I'm sure you get the picture. I couldn't possibly because really I do not know what it is I feel. Do they dive to true depths, soar to dizzying highs or are simply grounded on the shallowness of the vast solid earth? …

Dear someone else (or so it seems),
I have seen you, laughed and talked with you and even held you. I knew you… But years later you have lost a dimension. Yes, I know you are alive and well, yet you are hardly more than a flat picture on the wall that seems to come alive and spring from the frame but are in fact only reflecting the differently coloured rays of the setting sun shining through half drawn curtains… I truly ought to pull them closed.

Dear yet another,
I  drew the curtains.
Explanatory words fail me for there are none that can help me… or you.
I'm sorry…

Dear stranger,
YOU DRIVE ME NUTS! Go away already! Lord, help me.

Remember Me…

"Son! Come here and see this!"
He called out, Love already shining in His eyes,
"I'm finally done! Look, there she is.
My child
Look at her bursting with talent
Full of my love
my kindness
my patience
my blessings
Look! Can you see her beautiful heart?"

"Did you not create one like her yesterday?" His son asked.

"NO!" shocked that he would even think such a thing let alone vocalize it.
"Do you not see how different she is?
Like a moment in time that will never happen again,
She is specially and specifically,
amazingly and miraculously made
I know the number of hairs on her head!"
I love her so much, thinking to Himself.

Turning towards her, He kissed her,
breathing life into her body.

"I love you My child. Just for you, I chose the perfect pair to bring you into the world. I chose the perfect location for you to live, where I long see you grow in Me and to use you to show My glory to the world. Listen for My voice, My love. Listen and fulfill the purpose I have for you.

Remember me, My child.
Through it all,
Remember me."

Exclusive are we?

Reposted from 6/21/10 cuz I'm still wondering…

It seems like more and more, this is a question that you probably would want to ask (should you be the more "geared for commitment" type, of course.)

I was watching sex in the city (what summer boredom does to you. You can add Spartacus to that too, OMG smh. I think I'm just going to stick to watching Leverage and Lie to Me and whatnots. But I'm talking in sporadic tangents bursting from my previously somewhat straight line of thought. As I was saying…) and Carrie had just found Mr. Big out on a date with a another woman: (I paraphrase and skip scenes in the following dialogue)

C: Are you on a date?

B: Yes, I am

C: Oh, oh, ok. How many dates do you go on?

B: I'm seeing a number of women.

C: Oh I see. Have a fantastic dinner. *slaps his chest in mock joy and storms towards her support/research group (ehem… friends) and out the door*

…

*hours later, phone rings*

B: I miss you baby (talking to Carrie).

I was all but fuming at this point.

Am I too old fashioned? Can I (or anyone else for that matter) no longer expect one man to simply date one woman (or vice versa)? And should s/he choose to date another, at the very least s/he could break up with the current flame s/he is dating (In this day and age however, asking the wo/man if s/he would consider a threesome might actually be what can be considered the very least s/he could do, but that brings me back to: Am I too old fashioned?)

Ok, if on both sides you acknowledge that: yes, this is a casual thing; yes, we'll go see some movies together once in a while but I will also be grabbing the occasional lunch with Agent Morgan or dinner, maybe even a midnight snack with Mr. Hardison in IT upstairs, then its really none of my business what you do.

But… My point:

We are at a point, when time is considered short, and the perfect wo/man is but myth conjured by the penmanship of the likes of Sidney Sheldon and other romance novelists. Conjured for those who still dare believe in the embrace of love, commitment and loyalty. That's all jolly. But are these a dying species? Would their extinction be for the better? And for who's benefit? Those who …sample all the slices of cake at once hoping they will find the best one when all that they taste is a gallimaufry of icing and therefore are incapable of telling one from the other?? Can you no longer take for granted the fact that this person you are seeing is seeing just you? Must you always be sure to have it explicitly stated (maybe even documented and signed with a witness (Yes, I know. Nothing slips by you does it?)) that the relationship is exclusive?

Then again,

I might just be being naive. In which case, the question should then be: At which point can you assume that you are exclusive? Should assumption be too scary a thing for you to do, at which point can you ask the question, "Can we be exclusive?"

After the 5th… 6th date?

After the 1st time s/he sleeps over? Or is it after the 3rd?

After s/he moves in?

After the 1st child?

…

KuiDee

So, who's your man?

Me: No one. I don't have a man.
Taxi Driver: C'mon. I ain't yo daddy. You ain't gotta lie me.
Me: Don't worry, I know, I wouldn't lie to him about that either.
TD: Girl, please, I'm looking at you. You too fine to be single.
*Pause* (You really should be looking at the road)
Me: Thank you, but I really am.

Ok, I can take a compliment (and there is someone out there who will shake his head when he reads this), and I'm flattered that he'd think that way. But, here is my issue.

Is the way I look to be the defining characteristic that decides whether I'm single or not?
No, I'm not naive enough to still think that looks don't count. Of course the good looking ones are more likely to get more attention. I'm mean, I'm just as attracted to the tall, dark, cute smile, arms for daaayyys kinda guy as the next person and I'd notice him sooner than the awkward, jeans sagging guy who still claims he's got pretty boy swag…like… really?

What about me and my say? I'll take it, I'm not an eye-sore BUT I also have a say in who becomes my boyfriend. I'd much rather be joyful, even bored in my single than miserable and in agony in a double. The guy made a boyfriend sound like a must-have accessory any good looking girl should have…
I mean sure, but there is a lot more that should go into the pairing up process.

Also, you can't call me a liar after 5 mins, me and you no dey so… -___-

This Type Love - Shihan

This truly speaks for itself. Ladies …and even men (I hope) I'm sure you understand. ;)
Enjoy.

Physical Emotions

What does it mean when emotions are so intense it becomes physical pain? What is going on inside?

When you are sad or in pain, tears would not seem out of place. Neither would they be too out of place if you were overcome with joy; or shock even. A laugh or excited dance would perfectly complement a person's happiness. These things, I can understand.

But …what is it when you are missing someone so badly, your chest (your heart?) feels as though it is shrinking and becoming tighter and tighter to the point you gasp for air; whether in shock or because your lungs forget how to work for a second, I don't know.
Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

…Maybe I just need to go to see a doctor. :S.

Like A Star - Corinne Bailey Rae

Just like a star across my sky,

Just like an angel off the page,

You have appeared to my life,

Feel like I'll never be the same,

Just like a song in my heart,

Just like oil on my hands,

Honour to love you

Still I wonder why it is,

I don't argue like this,

With anyone but you,

We do it all the time,

Blowing out my mind,

You've got this look I can't describe,

You make me feel like I'm alive,

When everything else is au fait,

Without a doubt you're on my side,

Heaven has been away too long,

Can't find the words to write this song,

Oh...

Your love,

Still I wonder why it is,

I don't argue like this,

With anyone but you,

We do it all the time,

Blowing out my mind,

Now I have come to understand,

The way it is,

It's not a secret anymore,

'cause we've been through that before,

From tonight I know that you're the only one,

I've been confused and in the dark,

Now I understand,

I wonder why it is,

I don't argue like this,

With anyone but you,

I wonder why it is,

I wont let my guard down,

For anyone but you

We do it all the time,

Blowing out my mind,

Just like a star across my sky,

Just like an angel off the page,

You have appeared to my life,

Feel like I'll never be the same,

Just like a song in my heart,

Just like oil on my hands

- Corinne Bailey Rae

Wow. I AM a mushmellow. *sigh*

Either way, you are just like a star.

I want my gift like this…

SO! I made a fantastic discovery yesterday and it’s not at all what you may think, LOL. What I finally discovered was the song… wait for it… Birthday Sex by Jer… something or the other.

For some who know me it may come as a surprise that I found the discovery of this song “fantastic”. And to others it might not. LOL. Don’t get me wrong, I do not mean to put myself out there as such a crif/devoutly religious person that I will feign ignorance of this thing that seems to be paradoxically both “a ‘climatic’ experience” and an “overrated chore” because really, in this day who can really say they don’t know wassup? (I believe the difference in opinion would come based on what the opinion giver ticks next to “martial status” on some form. Would you not agree? ☺ Though I’m hoping I’m among the select who think “climatic” as they tick “married” on that form ;) )…but I digress.

Now I get to the purpose for which I started this piece. The song.

I enjoyed the sound of the music and the way it seemed to go from homophonic to polyphonic quality, but then I might just me getting my music appreciation information mixed up in my head. (Help, anyone?) I also thoroughly enjoyed the subtle sexual undertones of the video (YES! I said it! ⍢) as opposed to the more common in-your-face trends that most other videos take but what I found fantastic was not the prospect of receiving my birthday gift in a space of my choosing at his place but rather the fact that it spoke of sex as something special that is given as a gift. And I believe that’s the way it was meant to be; something special that two people intimately (of course) share in the right (and fairly comfortable) place and (a bonus) sensual setting.

I KNOW what I took away from the song was not what I was meant to, but for Jer…something something’s benefit, I had a good time moving to the beat. Either way, I feel sex is something that should be special event, irrespective of how long, how often, etc and not a mindless activity in which you engage in for 10 minutes of pleasure, which may not have even been satisfying if you stop and think about it.

Ok I feel I must save the sensuality of the song after all that seriousness… But how? Choreography? ……lol… nah! Honestly, you just need to watch the video. That should be enough. Right now I'm off to sway to the beat. ;)

I Found Myself - Ciara

So long. Farewell.
Hello, to the new me, the better me, that's right.

My Life...
21, and I've realized, everything you want's not meant to be.
21 then you qualify, then stand up to responsibilities.
So I tried to prioritize by deciding what I know is best for me.
And then there's always, love that tries to trip you up.
You try to catch yourself before you hit the ground. …But nothings promised.
Friends are there to cheer you up, to give you strength and build you up when you are down.

So I set sail in motion. I say: So long, farewell,
My life's moving forward. My ship has sailed,
And I'm so glad it's over. My heart mends well,
After all that I've been through, I found myself.

[*Sigh*]

22, I hope that I'm with someone who truly cares for me.
If I'm not, I'll be alright, I'll accept the time I know God has for me.
One day I'll be the perfect wife. If that's my destiny (yeaah)
And I won't be afraid to try, though there's always:
Love that tries to trip you up
But then someone who sweep you off the ground. …But nothings promised.
I'm not gonna give it up, just because the last one let me down.

So I set sail in motion. I say: So long, farewell,
My life's moving forward. My ship has sailed,
And I'm so glad it's over. My heart mends well,
After all that I've been through, I found myself.


I'm looking out for me, taking care of my needs.
Life isn't guaranteed, it's time to start living.
It won't always be the same, can't be afraid of change.
You wanna have your way,
demand till you're satisfied, you lower your self-esteem,
You gotta live your dream. It's all about confidence,
So let them know that you can stand up.
You can never try,
Learn to express you mind. Sometimes you gotta fight,
It's your life so don't you give up.

So I set sail in motion. I say: So long, farewell,
My life's moving forward. That ship has sailed,
And I'm so glad it's over. My heart mends well,
After all that I've been through, I found myself. x3

-Ciara.

I really could not have said it better. She gave me all the perfect words to express this moment, my transition. I guess you can say, I'm finally growing up. …And I mean it this time. I am my own person and do not need anyone to define me.

I'm taking care of my needs.
My life's moving forward,
Welcome to the new me.
I FOUND MYSELF.

Musings on M.A.F.U

So one boring day as I slowly browsed the pages of Facebook looking for nothing in particular and not expecting anything new, I came across a new group called M.A.F.U: Men Against F'ing Up.

I'm not sure I remember what exactly my first reaction was after I read the description but if I were to take a guess now I'd say I was somewhere between "Here we go again" and "Finally!" And of course my curiosity at that point had taken over and I went on to read the various posts and watch the videos posted. Wow! …During the video, I shushed my roommate when she tried to speak and at the end I applauded. At this point my reaction was strongly leaning towards "Finally!" But I realized that as I sat there saying "Finally," I have to admit that it is in the fact that I am a woman that I see the speck in the eyes of men rather than the log in my own. It’s always easier to look at someone and see his or her "bad" side than it is to look at yourself and see yours.

In view of this, there should probably also be a WAFU group (Though that just doesn’t sound good). Now, now, ladies, we have to admit that sometimes we are the ones to blame for whatever trouble is going on in a relationship. Be it romantic or platonic. There always seems to be some drama in the relationships around me and being female, I always hear about how Kojo did this and Kwame said that. And after the boy bashing session (lol, forgive me, but we girls have to stick together sometimes), I'd ask, ”so did you talk about it?” Sometimes it's easier to stop and reflect after the ranting and raving is done and look over what the problem is. And it’s at this point that a solution becomes obvious, when the source of the problem is worked out. And ladies, if you ARE the source, admit it. It would make solving the problem easier; Men, you too.

Disclaimer:
This is not at all to say that you should take nonsense when it comes in its true unadulterated form from either party.

These Tears

My tears are falling, they streak my cheek
My emotions are churning, I cannot speak
A raging red, then a heartbreaking blue,
I’ve lost the way, I can’t find You.
These tears they fall; I feel forsaken,
These tears I cry; my heart is aching.

Each tear is from a different source, a different spring
But each one runs the same course, they all sting
Yes, I know without toil there is no gain
But this is going nowhere, it’s nothing but pain.

All I want: a refuge, a place to hide
His hand to hold, Him by my side
I want to stop the spring, to seal the hole.
I want Him to fill my heart, to make me whole.

Please hold my hand and keep me from the dead
Because I know where I finally want to lay my head.

- KuiDee
04/07/08