My word: Trust
Someone else's word that caught my attention: Communication.
First thought: Everyone is entitled to their privacy. You were not born with your significant other nor do you have the exact same histories. Even identical twins have separate birth times. I think this question is flirting with questions on trust, vulnerability and perhaps control.
Second thought: Privacy and communication are not mutually exclusive.
Third thought(s): What exactly is your definition of privacy? What are the boundaries you are hoping to push? break? Why? How does that affect what you what to know?
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I saw this topic pop up on Twitter (#fiestadebate) and like seeds in fertile (bored) soil, it took root. So here are the stem, branches and leaves that is my mind map.
Please note I am not claiming to have authority or significant experience on the topic. These are just my 2 cents, take them for what they're worth.
The general conclusive jist I gathered was the topic seemed to become about secrecy rather than privacy. I think those two words are very different. It seemed that most concluded that based on the potential adverse effects on a relationship, some things are best kept quiet. When on I'm my knees in prayer, am I not allowed my privacy then? Consider how differently you may respond to that question if instead of prayer I was texting an ex.
One person quoted, "What you do not know and won't find out, won't kill you."
Er, AIDS? Hello? I feel like I would VERY MUCH like to know if my SO has AIDS. I can't say I know how I would take something like that, but I do know I would want to know. Knowingly not sharing something like that is cruel. This specific case I don't think is a matter on privacy, but health, safety and livelihood.
Would I want to know if you slept with my best friend/sister/ex (which, btw, if you're into, I def want to know) right before/after/during the wedding?
Or if you are millions in debt?
Or if there a serious but latent diseases in your family?
If you've been raped? (This is another area I think it would be somewhat cruel, for lack of a better word, not only to your SO but also to yourself not to share, considering the physical and mental effects, esp. if you're planning on the long term with this person.)
These have to do with trust. With some things it would hurt and trust would properly be broken, but that's where you decide whether it is worth enough to you to glue together and accept the cracks or throw the pieces away. In other areas, trust could even be strengthened! Have some faith in your relationship!! Either where, might at well know ahead of time if you are on a rock or on sand. Right?
Now, do I want to know if you like to wank off with extra chunky Skippy peanut butter? No please. THIS right here is privacy. As long as you are not expecting strawberry jam in places, we're good.
...I think I should get back to work now...
