Open hands and open hearts, open more.

There is a Chinese saying that when a man is hungry and you give him a fish, he would have one meal, but if you taught him how to fish, he will eat all his life. This is paraphrased of course.

Both are acts of giving, sharing and helping someone obviously less fortunate than you are (unless you just don't really like the one fish you have). But there is a significant difference that I see between the two. I called the former an open hand gesture. And the second, along with the open hand there is an open heart.

What is the difference?

With an open hand, you are giving to someone else the material product of your labour. This person of course can simply live off this gift for only as long as it lasts and fortunately or unfortunately material things can only last so long. (I'm not suggesting this is heartless… just trying to differentiate the two.)

Pair this with an open heart and the gesture goes MUCH further. To teach a man to fish, would require time, patience, motivation, determination, and love. The best thing about all this is that none of these open heart qualities are tangible material things, but they are what helps a man learn to feed himself for a lifetime. In a much cheaper material way but priceless open hearted gesture, you would have given a man his life.

Of course, I'm hoping you can see this not just about the fish.

This is not only about teaching a trade or a skill, but by doing various things and helping another person better themselves, you are sharing your time with another and showing that you care for them, their well-being and evidently their futures.

There are so many people to whom the metaphorical fish can be given to, but of course they would simply be eating for that day. Open your hearts along with your hands and give gifts of both. That way you both reap the rewards. Give them the ability to shape their lives and somewhere along the road, those to whom you offered help to would be offering that same help to someone new: Open hands and open hearts would open more.

Give a gift of love and time today and make someone smile.

Including yourself if you need it… 

S.A.D

Ever had one of those nights where you go out and have fun, and it doesn't have to be clubbing or drinking but just the simple act of being with friends and having a good time but when you get back to wherever you lay your head, your mood just sinks and it sinks so fast you wonder... The hell?!

Well yes, that's my situation right now. :) lol sad, eh?

But no, really, I'm sitting here and wondering. I just had a good time tonight, and yes, I know what it is that is bugging me right now but I know I have the ability to say "S.A.D!" Seen, Acknowledged, Dismissed! There is no reason at all for me to sit here and dwell on things that don't matter. Things that I know mulling about would not only continue to make me feel bad but also not solve the problem/situation.

There are many times that you have to face things that will always get you down irrespective of the kind of person you are. And of course, you would do your best to avoid those things when you know what the effect is. Therefore, when you hit this wall one too many times and you finally decided that you are sick and tired of it. S.A.D! Do not waste your time being angry, upset or down; pick yourself up, shake off the blues (to some Akon or something if you know how) and hold on to Happy. There will come a time when a short stay in the dumps is unavoidable, but when it is not, trust me, you want to hold on to happy.

Of course, if these are issues that can no longer be put on the back burner and need to be confronted, by all means please put your foot down. Otherwise, don't let the little things be E.O.Ps to your happiness. Hold on to it, because you know when you smile, eventually the whole world would smile with you. And you really would look better. lol, (Remember, S.A.D!)

LOL, writing this helped, and now I should go and try and take my own advice.

Goodnight my apple[s], goodnight :) lol. (Priscilla Renea ref. go check her out. …I should be paid for this…)

Musings on M.A.F.U

So one boring day as I slowly browsed the pages of Facebook looking for nothing in particular and not expecting anything new, I came across a new group called M.A.F.U: Men Against F'ing Up.

I'm not sure I remember what exactly my first reaction was after I read the description but if I were to take a guess now I'd say I was somewhere between "Here we go again" and "Finally!" And of course my curiosity at that point had taken over and I went on to read the various posts and watch the videos posted. Wow! …During the video, I shushed my roommate when she tried to speak and at the end I applauded. At this point my reaction was strongly leaning towards "Finally!" But I realized that as I sat there saying "Finally," I have to admit that it is in the fact that I am a woman that I see the speck in the eyes of men rather than the log in my own. It’s always easier to look at someone and see his or her "bad" side than it is to look at yourself and see yours.

In view of this, there should probably also be a WAFU group (Though that just doesn’t sound good). Now, now, ladies, we have to admit that sometimes we are the ones to blame for whatever trouble is going on in a relationship. Be it romantic or platonic. There always seems to be some drama in the relationships around me and being female, I always hear about how Kojo did this and Kwame said that. And after the boy bashing session (lol, forgive me, but we girls have to stick together sometimes), I'd ask, ”so did you talk about it?” Sometimes it's easier to stop and reflect after the ranting and raving is done and look over what the problem is. And it’s at this point that a solution becomes obvious, when the source of the problem is worked out. And ladies, if you ARE the source, admit it. It would make solving the problem easier; Men, you too.

Disclaimer:
This is not at all to say that you should take nonsense when it comes in its true unadulterated form from either party.

A Hybrid without a Home

“The truth would set you free,” I have always been told. And for the most part I believed it and still do… to some extent anyway. Sometimes my truth does not set me free, just apart, which is very different.

I was born and raised in Ghana and currently I live in the States as I am going to college here, and of course as an alien I would look for those comfort zones, aka any places with more Ghanaians than usual, simply so I can surround myself with conversations filled with “ah, ehen, oh, EI!” (Sway) lol. I had to add that.

But the point of me putting these fingers to my keyboard today is that whenever I find myself among these people and before I can start using my “chale” or “tsew,” (and sometimes even as I use them) I’m hit with “So where are you from?” and in response to my obvious answer, the next question is always, and I mean ALWAYS, along the lines of, “Wo ti twi?” My response: No.

The truth shall set you free? Really?

It is at this point that they go through the entire list of languages that they are absolutely positive that any Ghanaian would know and my repeated answer of “No” meets every one of them. They finally give up, fling their arms into the air with a "tsew" and proclaim me “not Ghanaian,” and then proceed to exclude me from conversation except when saying something vaguely uninteresting like the fact the sun is shining today, is really great.
Kwasia …tsew.

I have been told often enough that I have a British accent. Meaning I could always say I’m from England. I live in the States and I don’t have the thickest Ghanaian accent so I could also say I’m from here, I could claim I'm German, but even that I don’t speak…. I could always lie about where I’m from since NOONE on the first try ever guesses I’m from Ghana. But from where would I claim a true identity? Nowhere. No one would believe I’m Ghanaian since I don’t speak Twi or Ga or even Ewe despite a surname like Tamakloe. I could pretend I'm from so many places but what good does it do me?

There seems to be no place for a hybrid like me except among those who can't question my origin as they really know nothing about it. But its not with them but I belong nor with them that I identify. But where else can I go, if my own people refuse to accept me?

Thoughts become things.

So recently I was introduced to a book: "The Secret," the basic idea of which is that your thoughts become things.

It sells the idea that "the universe" is like a genie and your wish really is its command. The things you think about and expect are the things you get. Meaning that all the bad things that are going on with you are things you have also "wished for" as you've thought it about them over and over again. Yes, you probably thought "I really do not want huge bills this month," but the "universe" apparently doesn't hear negatives but rather, "I really do not want huge bills this month."

"Thoughts become things," sure, but a big word I feel should be included in there is "eventually" making it "Thought eventually become things". The following might give some insight on how:

"Watch your thoughts, for they become your words.
Watch your words, for they become your actions.
Watch your actions, for they become your habits.
Watch your habits, for they become your character.
Watch your character, for they become your destiny."
-often attributed to Frank Outlaw

As it is suggested above, you are not likely to receive a check for $100,000 a month just by sitting on your behind and thinking about it but doing nothing. In a review of The Secret (the movie), one person said,

"What the 'Secret' fails to convey is that once your 'wish' is out there, the answer you get from the universe is usually 'opportunity'. You still have to recognize that opportunity has arrived, be willing to seize it, and then work your butt to make that opportunity pay off "

I probably could not have said it better. Thinking about something over and over again simply puts you in the mindset of wanting whatever it is that is consuming your thoughts, and therefore you would tend to begin to act on those thoughts whether or not you are conscious of it. I'm not asking that you giving up on thinking on things and expecting them to happen because doing that DOES put you in the right frame of mind to work towards it. In case you missed it, note the phrase "work towards it" in that last sentence.

"I've always worked very, very hard, and the harder I worked, the luckier I got" - Alan Bond

Even thinking "I want to have a good day today" is something you would work towards. By keeping the thought in mind you are bound to smile more and enjoy the day. I tried it and managed to find a good time even in the fact I had just cut into my finger hauling my life on small dollies from one end of campus to another. What I paid attention to was the friends I had helping me, the laughter we shared and the fantastic weather.

Admittedly, I have not yet finished the book or watched the movie so I might be missing somethings here. But within it all, a positive attitude can hardly be a bad thing. So smile and expect good things to happen to you, some of which of course you have to work towards.

…*I'm having a good day today* :)