Guest Post! : Lust, Love & Living

It's a couple days to the new year!!! 2012! Dang, the year went by so fast… but Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all!! (I dislike the generic "Happy Holidays" wish. Forgive my political incorrectness.) ANYHU! To round up the year, here is a new post for y'all written by my very own 'Sanchez'! A good friend of mine, the reason for which you'd probably get by the end of this post. (If you do let me know, yea?)  Enjoy: 

Lust, Love & Living

A few days ago, a friend of mine chose to change his display picture for the entire day. Instead of his scruffy mug, I was pleasantly greeted by this rather pretty female face when i visited his profile (did i say 'pretty'? She was HOT). As the day progressed, he changed these pictures frequently, but always of the same girl. They depicted various time periods, locations, and different levels of intriguing poses. The day's slideshow culminated in a rather touching scene of them holding on to each other on the beach.

Oh yeah, I should mention that my friend has been going out with the same woman since high school. And those weren't pictures of his girlfriend.

Initially, I was surprised. Had they broken up? No, last I checked they'd been going out the week before; too soon for these pictures to spring up. Or had he been cheating on her and she found out? Maybe this was plainly an innocent prank or dare?

So I did what any guy would do. I asked him who the hot babe in the pictures was! “Oh, that’s my side chic, it’s her b’day today,” he replied. ‘Ah, it’s only his side chick, makes sense now,’ I thought and dropped the issue… but considering I’m writing about it, it’s pretty clear the matter hasn’t stayed on the floor so to speak.

Now, I do not presume to question my friend’s (or anyone else’s) actions or cast myself as an expert in the field of relationships. He’s managed his relationship for over 5 years and I have barely had one that lasted longer than…yeah, so I’m not judging him. It’s just that the concept of side chicks, booty calls, friends with benefits, (call them what you may) has both confused and fascinated me growing up. What would cause a man to seek comforts outside the relationship he willingly places himself in? Assuming the relationship is a sexual one, why would a man currently going out with one woman have another woman (or other women)?

Maybe it’s a need to explore until we are finally hitched. Some men believe that only through marriage t are hooked to one girl and, until the ring is on her finger and the vows have been exchanged, they are not strictly tied down to one particular women. In that sense the ‘official girl’ is marriage material, someone we identify as a life partner…eventually. We ‘hold onto’ them because we know their worth and don’t want other guys coming for her (yes, this sounds possessive. And it is, no matter how much we deny it). Until they are tied to this official girl, some men would tend to look out for other women.

Men also want women who are able to satisfy their fantasies. The “lady in the sheets, but a freak in the sheets” quote is not just a line people. Of course, the ideal woman does not exist (and yes, neither does the ideal man) but porn magazines and web sites (and sneaking into the girls shower) give men a good idea of what they are attracted to physically and what they want/like even without the experience to back it. The next step of course would be to actually gain such experience…and sometimes just one girl won’t do.

So whose fault is it that men cheat? Well, the guys, of course…but maybe the main woman in the relationship shares some of the blame as well. If you take your man for granted, don’t make him feel wanted/ needed/ useful, etc. it wouldn’t be hard to see why males would want to search elsewhere for someone that makes them feel special. It’s simple a simple rule both sexes follow: The less loved one feels, the more likely cheating shall occur.

I’m guessing this entire piece could possibly work the other way round, (Why do women cheat on their boyfriends?) but I’d like to share something before I get (even more) long-winded. This is a TED Talk by Helen Fisher about love in general, and specifically about why people fall in love and cheat. I’d say 7:00 to 7:45 are probably most insightful to this post but you should really listen to the entire talk: 

Why We Love / Cheat

Lights, Thoughts, Action!

A weird feeling, this is. I’m not sure what it is exactly. I’m not sure about the “what” or “why” or “who” this feeling is for or about or even against. I’m just not sure…

Maybe I am, but don’t really want to be? Or maybe, I’m not because there are so may why’s and what if’s and confused smiley faces like these --- > :S.

But, either which way, I’m not sure what to do with these feelings. And therein, my biggest problem lies. I think way too much compared to the fact that I almost always do nothing about it. You would think hope that a lot of thinking would lead to at least some minimal action. No. No, that is not the case with me. My thinking is like the heat that a laptop generates. It’s a by-product of this functioning but really does nothing for the world (except burn your lap if that’s where it happens to be sitting (the laptop specifically, not my thoughts…) and that’s not a good feeling). I believe Thought should always inspire action. Always. Well active, useful Thought of course. You can’t really do anything, if you are daydreaming about Dr. Jackson Avery, now, can you?

*Continues daydreaming for a minute longer…* 

ANYWAY! Like I was saying… 

I feel as though so many brilliant ideas, opportunities, experiences, and inventions even, are lost because no action comes of Thoughts. There could be so much more that one would be able to speak on…but isn’t, because… well… it stayed in your my head…

So, I still am not sure exactly what this feeling is. Though I think I may have an idea of the what/who. I might even have a why… Might. Does it inspire action? Well, I’ll let you know.

Let it be noted though, that I’m on the fence about whether decisive inaction still counts as action. Thoughts?

xx
K.D.

If Mufasa were a man...

Oh, what a man he would be.

See this with me if you will.

Powerful simply by the respect that he commanded. Respect that obviously bore root in his kindness. Love, was easily given... shared; but discipline and correction did not fall to the wayside. He gave guidance and taught lessons. He ruled everything the sunlight touched (and even the elephant graveyard. You don't scare people in their own territory if you don't have that authority.) He protected, without a second thought, what belonged to him. Seized his responsibilities by the scuff of their neck. He was a defender... he died saving his child.... His children. He was King.

It dawns on me that if Mufasa were a man... he'd be Jesus. Then he'd be God.

Mufasa said Simba had forgotten him and therefore had forgotten who he was and what his duties and responisibilities were. Simba had a difficult time letting go of his past, and seeing his father in his own reflection.

All he needed was a reminder. He fought his enemy and won. Scar burned in the fire...

I'm sure you see what I'm saying here.

We all need reminders sometimes, of who we are and Who we belong to and Who we can rely on. To Whom we ought to pledge our allegience and lives. And thank You Lord that You can give us these reminders in places as simple as a cartoon.

I saw Lion King 3D this past weekend. And it has to be the best animated movie ever. I recited the lines and sang the songs right along with the movie. Then I tried to picture Mufasa as human, of course. I listed all the attributes that I thought made this penciled in lion appealling and I came to the word "defender" and that's where my reminder came.

(Phillipians 4: 6-7)
...That's all folks.

Common Courtesy

Mind your P's and Q's, help a struggling person with their [insert plural noun here], hold the door open for the person behind you (when the situation allows it), etc. There are so many rules that we have heard over the years about common courtesy. Perhaps, I use the word "common" too loosely and herein arrive at my point(s).  Courtesy is not common at all. More often than not, people are left to fend for themselves and have gotten so used to it that offered help or courtesy seems …suspicious.

Case 1: An old lady walking into my apartment building, was carrying what were very clearly, heavy bags in both arms. I offered her help. She quickly declined it. Then, considering she was ahead of me, she reached the door first. I side stepped her so I could unlock the door and hold it open. She slowly picked up her bags (which she had put down in a move to open the door herself… 0_o) and walked into the building. Not that I care that she appreciated it or not, but rather that really was the most awkward return home I have ever had, and considering I'm the kind to squirm at awkwardness on TV... well you can imagine. I'm not about to do that again soon.

Case 2: I have been at my new job for almost 2 months now and it's going well, thank you for asking. The people are friendly and very helpful and work is going smoothly (save the part that I actually need to ask for work to do to make my chargeable hours… anyways!) There is this one guy who I've worked with a couple times… He is the nicest person I have ever met.  Ever so often, I'd hear that phase and I'd think "yeah, so 'ever' means perhaps the last 2 hours, right?" But now, I see how that phase can be true. This guy has his own work load but would spend time drafting comprehensive instructions on how to do my work and walk through it with me. He'd pause what he's doing to answer my (numerous) questions AND help me find more work to do when I'm done. Even when 'stressed' he's still pretty cheerful all the time. He recently achieved a goal of his, so our manager took us to lunch and bought him a cake. This guy offered to pay and insisted on sharing the cake (like, he wouldn't take "no"). This time around, I was the suspicious one. I had to ask my manager later if he really was like that aaaaallllllll the time. The answer: Yes (at work anyway). Let's just say, I can work with this. :)

Now, both examples are related to human/physical interaction. In this generation though, it's all about the "e-nteraction."  But even there, there's got to be courtesy, right? Apparently not.

Included in my definition of online courtesy is responding to questions asked. Fortunately or unfortunately, there is evidence of the question asked (so no, "I didn't hear you" excuses) and if you talk about blackberries, there is even confirmation for the delivery and receipt of said communication. So, question sent, question read, answer…? ain't even pending. Hoh.

And I know I'm not the only one irked by this, as there is some courtesy left in some places...

The Do's and Don'ts of Walking Downtown…

This list shall, of course, be updated as I learn these things myself.
My source? Experience and the frigging heebie jeebies.
Lego!

1. Do NOT take off your cardigan no matter how warm it's getting. If you must, first check who could potentially catch up with you if they wanted to.  (Of course if your pits underarms are the source of the niagra falls…chale feel free.)
1b. Do NOT slow down.
2. DO keep your personal security item of choice, from pepper spray to alarms, in plain view. Celebrate it, twirl it, point with it if you must.
3. Do NOT give in. Repeat after me, "I think my phone number likes me better, it wants to stay with me."
4. DO wash your hands when you get home! Ugh.

Here's a question for you though… DO or do NOT pay attention to "them"?
I'm always torn because I'm worried if I utterly ignore them they might bore and like …jump me or something… O_O.
(From a safe distance diieeer, hoh, my friend, I'm not the cat you think you're calling.)

Disclaimer: If, of course, you ARE happy with whatever situation you are in and WOULD like a repeat of it with the added bonus of your CONSENT, please do not listen to me. Also…I can't guarantee this will work.

:D

Road Blocks

I have a lot of issues I deal with, and depending on who you ask, they'll agree. But I think my biggest issue, one that rears it's head over and over again, is pride.

I have never been the most social of people. I'm the one who'd leave happy hour early to go watch a movie (on my own) or lounge about with the sax playing as I skype the 1 person out of 54 on the contact list. I'd sooner text than call and I do not mind my own company (or so I try to make myself believe). As a result I have numerous "Hello, Hi's" that stay just that way. My friends who I would call and I can talk to, I can count on one hand and I wouldn't even need my 6th finger stub... Why? I'm not sure but it sure doesn't help my pride. In fact, I think it's fed it.

It's fed my pride, because it is the most difficult thing on earth sometimes to ask for help (for me at least). Everyone needs to ask for help. Doesn't matter who you are. But asking is easiest when you KNOW that you can. When you can anticipate (and you are very certain of) your helper's position on being willing to offer it.

It's easier to ask a friend for help / a favour because you know they wouldn't mind or even find they do, they like you enough to at least offer ideas on an alternative solution (right?). But when your friends number a handful, 80% of whom are hundreds of miles away… well, the world can be a very frustrating place. It's even worse when you can't bring yourself to believe that the Jack and Jacob "really wouldn't mind helping you out," so you can't ask because you don't want to put them out.

Result? You burn out the one person you probably CAN ask favours from, then think "OMDz I must be such a pest. I'm gonna stop asking and do this on my own." Frustration builds (a lucky few discover a remarkable ability to be resourceful). All for the lack of built and sustained relationships, pride becomes the limitless b**** leading you down a dark alley with an inconspicuous open manhole.

Some solutions must be obvious to you, right?
Sustain the relationships!
Ask, you never know.
Re-prioritise,
Drink more at happy hour?

Well… I am writing this post now, no?

No end in sight.

I have been MIA. Forgive me. A girl's been busy. Or trying anyway. I officially started proper work yesterday with EY after 2 weeks of training. Tiring.
Here's the jist. From day one: Tuesday Aug 2.

In office at 9, dressed in my short-sleeved gray skirt suit sporting a pale yellow tank underneath (EY pride ya know :D) 1.25 hr intro to the office, met various peoples, had lunch, went home. Lovely.
Now. 6 hrs later. 1 hr flight to Chicago for the rest of the week for 8 hrs of orientation a day! But why?! Last time I did that was when? JSS? A good number of us remembered those impromptu college afternoon naps… I must say the very first session was fantastic! And the hotel! And the new hire get togethers! Sushi! Sigh. Then came another flight back "home" on Friday night; only to fly out AGAIN on Sunday also till Friday. This time orientation went hard (and half over my head)! (And again that hotel! :D)

But anyhu. The official first day went great, I was given stuff to do and I did it all in good time and did it well (in my opinion; though my senior was like *shrug*) and then day two came along and it dragged like a pink and yellow raggedy ann doll pulled along by a little girl too short to hold it off the ground…

Holstee Manifesto …Share your Passion.

Source: Holstee